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8 years n and still...
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[Solved] 8 years n and still causing trouble

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Hi all,

Need some advice please as I’m worrying,

My wife’s ex won’t leave us alone, when they split he made her life [censored] and black mailed her and her family ( they were not married), basically he would not accept it was over and would not move out of the rented home, he caused [censored] for months,

Eventually he moved out but made a three and pro ice to her and her family that he will ruin her life and destroy her....

We have been together for 8 years now and married for 5 I have 3 step children 2 of them are my wife’s ex’s sons..

He has always caused trouble i our family to the point he has come in between my wife and one of her brothers by turning them against me...

3 years ago I was loosing my mum to cancer, she was my world and was like a mum to my wife, they were great friends,

At this point her ex decided to poison his oldest son aged 14 against me, every time they were in contact there was massive rows between my wife and me and him, ( he always craved his dads love as never got it as his youngest always was favourite) in the end he made so many promises to his son he persuaded him to move out of our home. This caused my wife so much heartbreak and turmoil it was unbareable shortly after this my mum died aged just 59 with all of this I suffered a breakdown and lost it. ( I suffer with chronic depression anyway)

My wife called the police for my safety as I was going to end my life.. I just could not cope with anything... I left the home for a week and was in hospital sadly after going back home a short while later I drove down again and same thing happened police called ect.... it was my desition to walk out with police I was not sectioned... I was in no way a threat to my wife or my step children...

After another week I went back home and since them my wife and I and my step son ( the youngest aged 10) have struggled through but are happy as we can be.. I must add before this happened I had a great relationship with both the children, my oldest step son was living with his g/f, we are mates more than s/father son relationship..

Move to August 2017 my wife and her son were back in contact and alough very strained we was also talking, Things were getting on slow but ok and the ex seemed too quiet... apart from stupid little things then bang a huge explosion something happened it was over money I think, my wife and her son fell out he wanted money and my wife said no.. he accused her of being a useless mum ect ect.. and then he turned on me.. and that was it apparently I ruined his life for last 7 years ect ect... later that day we had him hiding behind his older brother bursting in the doors shouting at me calling me all names under the sun ( he was smirking and laughing behind his brother) I ordered them to leave my home... I have not spoken to him since and I will not have him in the house... my wife is now talking to him again and they meet up in town.. after all I did for him before it was thrown right back in my face....

I have now found out it was all his dads doing.. planting [censored] in his head ( since moving out of home he changed considerably)

Again now moving on to beginning of feb 2018 my poor father In laws health deteriorated very quickly, and had terminal cancer. This shook us all as they are a very close family and took me in as there own... yes my wife and me and boys are devastated,,,,

One morning the postman comes and drives a big letter on the floor.... guess what it’s court papers... my wife’s ex is taking her to court stating he wants more access....

The ex always has had contact every other weekend and a week if he could be bothered in the holidays. On his birthday and after Xmas ..This has never been an issue and have always supported this..

Here we go again... but thinking this is all he wants we thought it would be dealt with quickly, oh no we were wrong...

Sadly my wife’s dad passed on 1st March, we were there at the end.... funeral is planned for future... so you can emagine how my wife is feeling at the moment...

Court date was yesterday and it turns out that he not only wants more contact but has stated that I am a risk to his son And to my wife... he called the police in August when it all kicked off and has stated that because my wife did not report it I am controlling her and abusing her, cafcass’s Report also states they are not sure if they believe my wife when they spoke to her on phone.... all this dates to 3 years ago when I broke down...

I am no way abusive or controlling and my wife’s youngest an me have such a loving relationship I will do anything for them.....

I have as I say mental health issues and have my bad days but it’s under control with meds.. my wife and step son now 13 know when I’m having a bad day that I take my self away to bed they check on me and they are bo5 my rock, they know the simtoms and totally understand...

Her ex is still trying to destroy her and he is doing it all again at our lowest.... how can he get away with this and I’m scared that it’s going to end the way he wants it to........ we just want to be happy

Please help sorry for the long post... I have missed a lot out that has happened that he has done and is doing..... he knows that if he keeps pushing then I will go after him.... this is what he wants....

Topic starter Posted : 14/03/2018 4:49 am
Illustrious Member

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your recent loos of your father in law, you should have time to grieve and not deal with all of this. If I have this right, it is your step son who is 13 who is at the centre of this court hearing? If so, what does he want to happen? He is at an age where a court will take notice of what he wants, and the ex has no proof over the allegation so, he is the one who has to convince the court to change the status quo. I would go to see your GP - your first priority is your own health at this moment, so that you are in a better shape to deal with everything else.

Posted : 15/03/2018 2:01 am
Active Member Registered

Hi thankyou so much for the reply, and yes it is my 13 year old step son you are correct, he wrote a letter and wants things to basically stay the same, we sat him down and asked him to be totally truthful what he wants,all that he wants to change is come home half hour later on the Sunday and have a little extra holidays at Easter and one eve for tea with his dad... we have not got any problem with this at all and if his father had actually bothered to speak to my wife all this would not be necessary

He just wants to cause trouble, I feel so sorry or my step children to have a father like this he not really interested in his kids they are just trophies really it’s such a shame

I am ok some days it’s a struggle especially at moment with trying to stay strong for wife and kids had a scare with eyes yesterday ended up in hospital, but today they found fluid behind right eye,, more checks in next few weeks but should get better on it’s own.

As they say it never rains it pours lol

Topic starter Posted : 15/03/2018 3:02 am
Illustrious Member Registered

I'm surprised he was able to submit the application without having attempted mediation first. I'm assuming that you're not a party to the proceedings, as its between your partner and her ex.

What has the court ordered in the way of directions from the hearing yesterday? I don't think they can request your medical records as your not a part of the case.

Your step sons wishes and feelings should be listened to as he is considered old enough to have a valid opinion. If your wife tells the court that had he invited her to mediation, she would have agreed to his requests and that she is happy to comply with the extra that their son would like, I'm optimistic that it can be resolved without too much trouble.

I think your wife should also explain that she is newly bereaved and her grief at the loss of her father is making it difficult for her to interact fully with the proceedings, she could suggest that what the CAFCASS officer was picking up on was more likely to be her disconnect due to losing her father and has nothing to do with you.

Best of luck

Posted : 15/03/2018 8:45 pm
Active Member Registered

The info from the court hearing has just come through,

The court has asked carcass to speak to my stepson and make report

Also they have asked if I would like to submit my medical details

And as the ex has made a claim that I am a risk to stepson and my wife that cafcas makes a safeguarding report on me

I am willing to give the court what they want, I have training certificates and lots of things I could submit as I was a member and leader in scouting, if I was or is a risk to anyone that would of been found then..

I am going to write a statement to also give to the courts also we have contacted his oldest son who he has abandoned for years only to find him and weeks later threaten him and abandon him again...

He hopefully will write a statement and come to court to explain what his father is really like

We are going all out now to prove to the courts what this man is really like and how much hurt he causes people...

We are also going to report that he does not care about his son ( my stepson) as he has an addiction to food and we struggle with his weight for years, only for him to loose weight when we have him 2to 3 pounds loss, but when with his father for the weekend (1 night) alternate weeks the poor boy puts all this back on and more, he only ever takes him to takeaways and breakfast bars,

His father knows of the issues and over last 8 years has had copies of the dietary requirements from groups we have arranged for the boy but has chose to ignore them

This makes me so angry how could he be doing this, it needs to be stoped

Topic starter Posted : 16/03/2018 3:59 am
Reputable Member Registered

Have you ever tried having a conversation with the father of the child that lives in your house ?

Posted : 16/03/2018 5:35 am

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