[Solved] follow up to original post
as i posted in the newbies section, im about to become a step dad.
The kids know me, and the really like me, but my girlfriend is living with her ex husbands parents. it was the sensible thing to do 8 weeks ago when she left their mentally and verbally abusive son..
I came out of an abusive marriage a year ago, where i was beaten physically and verbally daily for 25 years..
However a new issue has potentially arisen, the father in law (70 years old ) has become very very controlling. he has started following her, trying to prevent her leaving to go out, we have seen him watching in his car, and follow her when i've been meeting her. he turned up at a dress rehearsal for our latest play, and watched every move i made.
We do need to get the kids out safely and in the best way for them. we have ensured we have their passports, as the family is iraqi, and we did wonder if granddad might just try to take them there. no proof he would but we need to cover all the bases..
Even taking them out a couple of nights for dinner is proving really really tough. has anyone experience. it's more the logistics, as we dont want to screw up the kids (girls 6 and 9) . i know they are reslilient, and we plan to take them up to edinburgh in a plane, as they've never flown. To show them it's going to be fun.. but we are both are scared we get it badly wrong..
I think as we have already said you need to take things slowly, and ensure that the children are ready.
That said if things are becoming difficult for your partner then she may need to act quicker, it's hard to say how the children will react, and it could be a case of just trying and seeing, would you have anywhere to stay if the children found moving straight in with you difficult, if you did then maybe you could still do the slow move and if your partner moved in with the children and things weren't going well if you stayed else where for a few nights a week it may help them to settle.
Even if that being else where was just until they were in bed, and then if you weren't there when they woke up they wouldn't know :whistle: :whistle: :whistle:
I assume that your girlfriend has residence of the children as far as a court is concerned? Otherwise taking them to Scotland is technically taking them out of the country as far as the law is concerned. If she has residence, or there is no order, then there isn't a problem.
There is no order in place, she simply left him, and moved in with his parents no legal stuff done yet... On the understanding that he would have restricted access, and not allowed to visit when he was having one of his "moods".. However his father seems to think that allowing him in whenever will fix things, but has started following her in his car, whenever she goes out, meeting me or not, turns up at rehearsals (this is the father in law!) is slowly trying to put blocks on her mevements etc etc..
We are planning to move them in here, as going back to the family home, will mean he wil ljust turn up whenever he wants to, even if there is an injuction, residence order etc etc... he is that arrogant,, and his parents just bend over to him all the time. he's a 50 year old man woh still has stampy feet strops when he doesnt get his own way!
i can get a bedsit near work for a week or so, if it makes setling them easier.
But when they do come to our theatre group, (im the lighting engineer) they both come over to me straight away, and we have a great time.. i know living with each other will be different tho. .