Hello all,
My first post so bare with me.
I am seriously struggling to bond with my almost 4 year old step son. I have been in his life for 2 years, living together for about 2 and a half years. His dad remains in his life and sees him every weekend which as far as I am concerned is a good thing.
I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 years, we have a great relationship in the whole but I do think the circumstances this year have made it a whole lot harder.
I had a really good childhood, my parents are happily married to this day and I had an older brother. We werent the most affectionate family and by that I mean we ddidnt do a lot of kisses and cuddles, and say I love you a lot. It was just a general understanding we all did. As adults we show more affection.
ADVICE NEEDED: So as you may well guess it does not come natural to me to show much affection to my step son (however I find it very easy with my girlfriend). I am also a very strict step father, and expect a lot which is a challenging point for me and my partner as she is much more leniant. I find that I get very irritated and frustrated easily and do not hold that natural love you would perhaps for your own (blood) child. WIth that in mind I often find that I do not want to be around my step son, and it causes me often to wake up down in the dumps, especially in these Covid-19 times which is beginning to have an impact on my relationship with my girlfriend.
I am wondering if anybody has felt in a similar position and what if /anything they did to resolve this? I love my girlfriend very much, and if I am really honest struggle to have a feeling of love for her step son.
I am very much trying to figure out what the correct route to take is 🙁
Really would appreciate some genuine thoughts, opinions, recommendations on this?
Thanks in advance.
I would really recommend that you go for counselling so you can talk your feelings through with someone completely independent, it sounds as though you want to sort things out, but you just don't know how to get it straight in your head.
Also, does your partner know how you feel? You probably could do with talking it through with her also, though whether than comes before or after you start counselling, is probably best for you to decide.
Its not always easy with step children. Perhaps you could try engaging by small steps. Perhaps read him a story or kick a football around for a bit. Children develop and change very quickly so this phase could pass soon.