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Hi There
I have a 2 month old baby girl, My relationship with the mother was rough at the best of time and im not here to slate her, im just at my whits end and could use some advice...
Im only 21 and this is my first and only child. My child was delivered by means of a c-section, because of this i was the first to hold our daughter and was also the parent to did absolutely everything for our baby for the first two weeks of her life as the mother said she was unable to care for her due to the c-section. and when i say everything i mean literally everything, 24hours a day 7 days a week. This obviously gave me an instant bond and undying love for our daughter.
My relationship broke down with the mother (whom is only 19) and she is not prepared to communicate or be civil in anyway. until quite recently i have been seeing my daughter daily once i finish work at 5 until 8 during the week and 2 until 8 at weekends.( i am on the birth certificate as the father and have joint PR) This was the agreement when the mother felt like it. but she would stop me seeing my daughter for a few days at a time with no warning for no reason.
I have concerns for my child's well being as the mother has developed what i can only describe as physiological issue where she would just change, she would ring me up out of the blue and scream and shout at me down the phone with our baby right next to her cry because she wanted me to get back into a relationship with her. I also had concerns about the cleanliness of the house as the house is really quite dirty. and i mean no wallpaper. ripped patchy shabby carpets. thick dirt in the kitchen at least 1mm thick and thick dust settled on everything. there has also been a few instances where empty drug bags have been left in the house on the floor by my child's mothers brother who also lives at the address. Ultimately i thought it was in my child's best interest to contact social services.
Social services have now contacted my child's mother but for some reason it seems they have taken her side. BUT because i have contacted social services she is now refusing to let me see my child at all. She has stated that there is not a chance that i will see my child again until a court rules that she must allow me access. I do have a solicitor but its only at very early stages with my solicitor and im still waiting for legal aid to come through. I find it extremely distressing that i risk not being able to have a relationship with my child at least weekly let alone not for what could be 10months plus, in which time my daughter would be over one and have been denied a relationship with her father for no reason other than pure spite. my concern is it will be to late then. i will of lost the best part of a year of my daughters growing up and she will not even know who her dad is and how much he loves her.
I really don't know what else i can do as the mother wont communicate with me what so ever in anyway. my solicitor has advised me to ask straight up for just what contact i want but i feel this only leaves me to be knocked down to a lot less when it comes to negotiating with mediation or in court. i feel i should be asking for more than what i want bearing in mind im going to have to compromise and negotiate.
a family member has advised me to go for full custody. not to expect it but to then in court/mediation to be knocked down but indeed have shared physical custody over a daughter of one night during the week and 48 hours every other weekend. which is what i would like?
im concerned though as the mother is saying by having to see me to exchange our daughter or even any contact what so ever regarding our daughters health, that this is causing her to become upset and depressed and the courts would seriously consider this meaning i get minimal contact.
i am also concerned that as our daughter is only just over two months old that the courts would see the time im asking for with my daughter as being too long as our daughter would be away from her mother for too long.
Please help. im sorry for the essay but i wanted to put all the information there as i think theres alot there that could affect my case. also is there anything i can do to get contact with my daughter in the meantime as like i say... i dont even want to immagine i will have no contact or access for months and months.
Hi
I know you have a solicitor, but it's worth reading yoji's guides at the top of the legal section, including the guide to representing yourself as this will give you an idea of what to expect.
I personally agree with asking for as much contact as you think is reasonable, but have in mind that you won't necessarily get this, and have a lower expectation which, if you get, you are still happy with - it means that you can pull back a bit in court, making you seem to be reasonable, whilst still getting a good level of contact. You need to bear in mind that a baby will be dependant on her mother, so try to go for a little contact as often as possible, but include in the contact order a timetable for increasing the level of contact as she gets older so that you don't need to go back to court for a variation.
I would bear in mind a couple of things. With the baby being only a couple of months old, there is a possibility that your ex is suffering from post natal depression - hopefully others will help here as I have no experience to draw on.
The second point is that you said social services sided with your ex - that may not be strictly true. They will, as much as possible, try to work with the resident parent to see if they can make the environment safe and stimulating for a child, and I would hope that this is what they are doing - they are certainly not going to walk away if they think there is any danger to a child.
I agree with actd,
Yoji's guide will help you a lot so you know what to expect, If you can get legal aid great go for it with a solicitor, but if it doesn't come through for you don't panic as you can go through court alone, and represent yourself, by doing this you can show your own emotions to the judge which will help them see things from your point of view.
Another thing to note is that when you go to court for the first court appointment the judge will generally try to (where possible) re start contact with an interim order, this probably won't be as much contact as you would like but it is put in place to allow you to see your daughter whilst the case is still on going.
Darren
hi Stuii90 and welcome
i been though the courts and dealt with social services feel free to message any questions. i gain permanent residency of my two children in jan, after 11 months of going though the courts but i got there in the end
Actd is correct
social services will give the child's mother every change it can afford to. this is common. keep in close contact with them. tell them of any worry's and concerns you have. get to know the social worker
i would suggest at this stage to got to court for a contact order while social are trying to help the courts wont be be open to full residency. poss try for shared custody if you live local
it will be a lot easier to gain contact then residency and its better to seem willing to have you child as much as you can
children are adaptive and unless social services have evidence to suggest contact between u and your child is bad for her the courts wont take the age into account i believe. the sooner she gets to know you the better
hope everything goes ok
Aaron
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