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Last Saturday, when I had my 3 year old daughter for our fortnightly contact session, I asked my ex about how and when she intends on extending our contact session as this was something we had discussed before. Now previously, 2 sessions beforehand, I told my daughter and then my ex that my partner was expecting a baby girl and my daughter seemed delighted and my ex seemed fine with it also. Then, last Saturday, when I asked about contact she told me that my daughter was acting out at nursery and screaming in the middle of the night that her and her husband do not want her and blames this all on the new baby. This shocked me and my partner as my daughter has shown nothing but interest and happiness when it comes to the new baby so I went away and thought things through. On Tuesday I decided to contact my ex through a social network site and recommend we go to my daughters doctors and or nursery together and try to sort this problem out now before the baby arrives in September. She replied a few hours later saying it is all sorted out now but that was only 3 days after she had originally said this. My ex has been anything but honest and cooperative in the past and it is a surprise to me how she can keep getting away with the things she says and does but I try so hard to keep it amicable for my daughter's sake. It is also no secret her and her husband want a child of their own so could this be an issue of jealousy? What can I do to 1) ensure my daughter feels happy, safe and loved in her mothers home? and 2) spend more time with her like my ex originally said could happen? My ex has a residence order.
You should put it to your ex that if it is the case that your daughter is having issues about the arrival of a new baby then ideally, to reasure your daughter that she is and still will be important to yourself when the baby arrives, that more contact time should be arranged. Even if there are no issues, then more contact time with you would benefit your daughter for when the baby arrives. Reassurance and involvement will help, you don't want her to feel like she will be pushed out of the way when the baby arrives. Find childrens books that you can read to her about babies etc, there will be plenty in your local library.
Ideally, if you discuss with your ex what you would like to happen, she will understand that it will benefit your daughter in the long run, but in reality this may not happen, dont ask for too much extra time with your daughter as the more you ask for the least likely it will happen, ask for a small amount then build from there. If she does'nt agree to any i would get mediation involved.
Yep, I agree - I would suggest mediation very early on if you feel like there's going to be no progress. If you think that it may be some jealousy involved, then try to empathise a little with your ex as this may help you both.
Yes I feel mediation would be beneficial however she did not turn up last time it was arranged before court. Does anybody know if we can apply for mediation again and/or how I would go about getting the contact order changed via the courts?
I think you can, but the best bet is to have a word with them - National Family Mediation - 0300 4000 636, though you probably already have their number.
Hi
You can apply to mediation as many times as you like, applying to your ex to go to mediation is a bit like trying to hit the moon with S*%T.
There is no law at present that say's either you or your ex has to attend.The court's take a favourable view if you have been to mediation it shows you have tried to act like grown up's.I have asked my ex numerous times to go to mediation to try and stop going through the court's
but she refuses. I was told i could go to mediation on my own!!!!! point being? If you have a contact order and a solicitor i would go back to court.Do agree with actd try and empethies with your ex she probably is a little jealous about you having a new baby (congrats by the way)
But i have found that if i do totally the opposite of what my ex thinks i will do, it takes away the controlling element.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
