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Hello.I have four children with the same woman(twin boys,11 and two girls 10 and 9),i lost all contact with my children just over 3 years
ago.Last week i was contacted by my children.My sister had rung my children`s mother but she had gone out and left my children babysitting the 3 year old she has with another partner(now ex-partner),just before christmas.
My sister gave my children my phone number they rang me and i spoke to my children,my son`s were initially very angry with me and said they love me inside,but outside hate me(to use their expression),my daughter`s said they missed me very much.
All the children were crying.My son`s were very worried that there mum would find out they had been speaking to me,and during the conversation(they had rung me off there friend`s phone),there mother returned and they hung up the phone.
It was during this conversation i found out that their mum had left them alone and that is how they got my phone number.
The following day I visited the family home,I spoke to my Son`s who were playing on the green near by.I went with them to where they live and they called there sister`s out ,then there Mother came out,ordered them in,and told me she was going to call the Police,so i left.
I got to spend maybe 5 minutes with my Son`s and 30 second`s with my daughter.
As i had`nt had the chance to speak to my Son`s about if they were being looked after properly i met them outside the School Gates(I found out the school they attend on FaceBook).My son`s were very reluctant to speak to me as their Mum had told them i had threatened to kidnap them,set them alight and blow up the family home!!(Which,needless to say,I had`nt).
I assured them i had`nt said anything of the kind,and that i have never nor would I ,hurt so much as a hair on their head).I said i would walk them some of the way home,i gave them some money and a present for each of my daughter`s.They appeared terrified that there mum would find out they had spoken to me(she had instructed them not to talk to me,take anything from me etc)and that they would be grounded for 6 month`s if they did.
Neither of them had a coat(they were shivering with cold) and they seemed very afraid she would find out they had spoken to me.
As we got down the road,a car skidded up (and a man they identified as their Mum`s new partner )shouted at the children to get in the Car.They looked petrified,i felt helpless and did`nt know what to do.They got in the car of their own free will.
The new partner told me to stay away from the kid`s.
The same day the new partner contacted me on FaceBook saying it was his house,stay away,Police have been called for stalking my kid`s etc.By looking on his FaceBook wall,i have discovered he only met my childrens mother on 25th January.He has said the children don`t want to see me(Contrary to what my children have said).This new partner look like a drug addict.
My children`s mother was violent toward`s me many times(as were her family),but she was never like that toward`s the children(she was always a bit of a Tyrant).
I am at my wit`s end,I don`t know what to do,I have contacted a Solicitor but can not get an appointment until next week.
I am genuinely worried about my kid`s.Sorry about the long post.
Hi RCF,
Thanks for explaining your current situation. I really does sound tough for you. If you don't mind me asking, what was the reason you haven't seen your kids in the last 3 years? It sounds like you really love your kids & want to see them well cared for. It's good to hear they were positive about seeing you again.
Without knowing too much about your situation, I'd tend to agree that getting a solicitor involved at this stage would seem like a good idea. It sounds like it's been quite distressing for your kids when they've seen you. Maybe they feel torn between wanting to obey their Mum, but also wanting to see you again.
Have you tried asking the Mum for access to your kids? If you do need to go through your solicitor I'd suggest you start writing down exactly you have said, what your ex has said & what the kids have said, with dates & times included. This could well help to strengthen your case when trying to get legal access.
With regards to the kids being left alone when you phoned, do you know how long they were left for? This would be a good thing to write down & keep for future reference & for the solicitor.
I hope this is some what helpful & you get on well with the solicitor you've arranged to meet. Please keep us posted on how it goes.
Springchicken
Hi there and welcome to Dadtalk - lots of people on here who will advise you, some are experts many are just dads.
I am not an expert but would say to you to be careful - it sounds like your ex will tell some lies to get rid of you and I would suggest you don't upset her too easily!!
Hard as that may seem - a week is not a long time to wait and then you can decide where you want to go with this
The childrens legal centre are great but as you are in the process of instructing a solicitor they may not be able to help, the Citizens advice bureau may also be able to help but again you will need to make an appointment
If I were in your shoes I would try to speak to your ex - play the concerned father - you notice they didn't have coats are they being awkward by not wearing them etc. Ask to spend some time with them - supervised at first if that is what she wants. However I think she will refuse as she is clearly threatened by your presence and is going to use that against you
Good luck - I am sure others will reply and their advice may be more expert.
Stay in touch
Hi
I agree with SM, a week isn't long, and unfortunately whatever processes are involved, the system generally moves quite slowly except in extreme cases.
You need to keep a full diary of every event (and fill it out as soon as you can, don't leave it and go back to it a week after) as this may be helpful later on. Keep all texts and emails etc, and if there's a conversation, transcribe it immediately.
Have you contacted Childrens Services and expressed your concerns to them? They may have some knowledge of your ex's partner already, and if so, may not be aware that he is in a new relationship where there are children.
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