[Solved] Am I a bad dad?

Hi there and welcome!
I dont think your a bad Dad, you must be doing something right for your son to want to live with you, although I would avoid discussing it with him too much. It can be very difficult for the children of seperating parents, and they often feel guilty or suffer from torn loyalties, but often dont show it on the outside.

You say you own your own home, is this in joint names? If not, then I'm pretty sure she wont be entitled to half, although as you have a child together there might be an entitlement to a lesser share.

If you've offered her a financial incentive to move out and she has refused, then I dont know what other options you might have. It might be advisable to seek some advice either from the Citizens Advice Bureau or a solicitor. As your son is still a dependant perhaps the CCLC might be able to advise you.

I'm sorry I cant offer you anything concrete but good luck with it.

Hi Timbe

When is your son 16?

Regarding the house, it may be worth having a word with a family solicitor to see what the position is regarding equity in the house, and then what you might need to pay to buy her out.

Thanks for your comments.
My son will be 16 middle of next year. And the house, along with all the bills are in my name (well apart from the sky which see pays for)
I have spoken to a solicitor who advised me she is not entitled to any part of the house.
If she was just my ex I would feel happy kicking her out, but at the end of the day she is still his mum, and it won’t do me any good for my son to see me being nasty to his mum. And she knows that

Being nasty, no I agree. But making a reasonable offer - eg part pay the rent on somewhere for her, then it's up to her to accept or not. Ultimately, you have to draw a line and stick to it otherwise she'll get everything she wants. At 15, in theory, you need a residence order but in practice, by the time it's sorted, your son will be 16 and it won't be relevant, so I'd say that if he wants to stay with you in the house you are in, then you need to be pushing/persuading your ex out one way or another.

I'm not convinced that you ex is entitled to nothing though - she has contributed to the household over a number of years, either in paying for some bills (even if not directly) or through time looking after your son allowing you to go out to work - it may well count for something on her part.

Hmm. Food for thought. I know it not all about money but…..How do I decide a fair price I’ve offered her £10,000 lump sum? She says and I quote she wants “loads more” but will not state a figure. (I’m not rich I’ve lived in my 2 bed house for 26 years paying all the bills) I would not be asking for any financial support from anyone. So I have to be carful with moneys so I can look after him.
?? If he was 16 would I have to “pay her off” at all?

...actd is right, you must draw a line as you are in danger of being controlled... Did the solicitor advise you of any options you might have?
I would be tempted to call her bluff and say that you and your son are moving out and you will require rent from her and she will need to take over the running costs of the propoerty....unless of course she lets you help her to find nice 2 bed accommodation nearby, so that your son can visit and even stay over, plus the lump sum that you offered, to help her settle in, which will give her a financial cushion. Basically its the easy way or the hard way, but its her choice. Tell her that you have taken advice from a solicitor and she isnt entitled to anything, but in recognition of the child that you have together, you would be happy to give her a fair lump sum, as long as she can acknowledge that the relationship is over, and that you both need to move on and find happiness elsewhere.

Just to throw my two penny worth in - if your son is 16 this year does that mean he is doing his GCSEs this year?

If so what affect does all this have on him as well as the stress of exams

I am not saying stay put - but you need to think carefully.

And of course if you are not getting on with you wife then this will also affect him so you need to do what is best for him and that is another reason why it may be best for her to go.

I know I haven't helped but this is not just about you - and I feel that your son would just want you to make a decision and get on with it.

It is not for us to say whether we feel you are a bad dad - we will try to be honest with you and I say whatever you do, do it quick so you can get on with supporting your son at this crucial stage of his life