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[Solved] An ex who's controlling


Posts: 6
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Topic starter
(@billington)
Active Member
Joined: 13 years ago

Hi All.

Im new to all this and my story is from what I've already read on dadtalk common place.
My son was born three years ago I like all of you on here was so proud sadly though that wouldn't last as just two months later my ex and I split up not of my doing as another person was already in the picture.
This I didn't know untill some months later, so I got to see my baby boy every other sunday her terms not mine Id like to point out.
This carried onfor nine months then when I met my new partner she had what Id say was a right wobbler she got the csa involved and was demanding where I lived which by this time Id already got a solicitor involved and three times she was offered mediation which she didn't take up the offer of going to.
By this time id not seen my son for four months the stress on all this on me and my family was huge and by the time we did get it into court it was six months since I'd seen my son.
We went to mediation via the courts which lasted all of one session as she was not liking what she was being told and when in court didn't like what she was being told there either but it seems the farthers have little say in court as the mother has all the if not most of the say in there.
I went back and forth to court nine times all at my cost as I had to take her to court she lied and nothing was said she failed to attend one of the hearings because she went on holiday nothing was said I could go on and Id be here all week.
In the end I got a contact order from court I now see my son every sunday but his mum is still trying to control the situation. The things is this If a court order says my son is to be made available every sunday and his mum takes him away she tells me that time doesn't need to be made up im sure it does as shes taking him away in my time? The other point is she said she had concerns about my son and what he was saying or doing and told me she had contacted social services which was a lie as Id been in touch with them to find out what was going on and told me she hadn't contacted them i explained what was going on and they couldn't beleave it even to the point of my ex wanting my permission to have my name removed from my sons birth certificate and letting my son call her partner dad and just refering to me by my name when I pick him up or drop him off which will mess his head up all this is about control.
The fact that my ex doesn't like being told by solicitors judges the lengths she would go to the lies told in court which thankfully the judge who I think saw through it made the contact order what itis but she still plays up.
I know I'll be going back to court at some point as six hours every sunday isnt much time its a start but I still have a long way to go for it to be fair for my son to have quality time with his dad and dads family.
So I'd like to know can my ex just take my son away without making the time up and can I go to his GP's and ask to see his doctor and see how my sons health is?
Thanks for reading
A stressed dad :unsure:

6 Replies
6 Replies
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(@Super Mario)
Joined: 16 years ago

Noble Member
Posts: 1621

Hi there

Welcome to Dadtalk - sounds like you are not having the best time of it.

How are you and your new partner coping with it all?

Have you considered mediation in order to make permenant visitation times etc.

Keep us informed

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(@billington)
Joined: 13 years ago

Active Member
Posts: 6

Hi ya

How does anybody cope you just have to get on with things but it's been very hard at times I could of gone on but I'd be here all day telling my story I'm not the only dad going through this but it's great to have a site like this to talk about things.

As for mediation I aksed in three solicitors letters for my ex to attend so that we could avoid court for my son's sake but she only replied to the fourth letter from my solicitor saying I was taking it to court.

Then Feb 4th 2011 we went to court and it was only then she agreed to go to mediation we attened the first session but thats as far as we got she had no intentions of going again so the end result was many solicitors letters and 6 court hearings which she failed to atted one of them because she went away on holiday with no regards to what the courts ordered her to attened.

The end result was on the 18th of october after much stress and me bending over backwards to in the earlier months and me seeing my son a final contact order was given.

But even now she plays her games taking my son away and saying she doesnt have to make the time up that was my time which is every sunday she is a law un to her self and I know I will have a fight for many years to come but my son is worth every it I will not give up.

It's control you see.

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Registered
(@dad-i-d)
Joined: 14 years ago

Noble Member
Posts: 1306

Billington......I really feel for you there pal........i'm dealing with exactly the same right now.....although my ex has just point blankly defied the contact order i have in place! saying she won't force our son to attend if he doesn't want to! being 4 he does what she tells him! i've seen my little boy twice since the order was made in Feb and there seems to be no way she's going to stop.
i'm back in court in about 6wks for a review to which i will be getting the order enforced...again at my cost!
this stinks though....because had you done any of what she has because your the Dad you'd be punished a lot quicker it seems!

Yoji seems to be one of the most clued up guys on here....and the CLC give some excellent legal advice...so keep on fighting...you kids needs far out weigh your ex's!

keep strong

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(@billington)
Joined: 13 years ago

Active Member
Posts: 6

Hi dad-i-d

I agree with what you are saying totaly the courts and I was told this last year always side with the childs mother because they live with them and as i was told they know your child thats why they side with the mother alot of the times.
My situation is that know the lies that have been told I even had photos recordings off my phone text messages I sent and what my ex sent me in total two folders of what Id call evidence that was never used a waste of time.

The lengths some would go to is crazy and to think you once thought you knew them is well mad it seems we the farthers have to fight every inch of the way but just look at last years riots the courts was quick enough to blame single families or absent farthers but when you want to be there and pay a part in your childs life you get made to feel like your the one in the wrong crazy.

You never give up the fight to see you child no matter what and one day they will thank you for it, It's not asking much for things to be fare for both sides after all its the child thats surposed to be at the centre of it all but some mums forget that and loose sight of why we fight to see our children.

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(@tiredoffighting)
Joined: 14 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 46

We have kinda the same situation as you... and others! My partner has a child with his ex-wife.

We continually live with game playing, child being used as a pawn, ex breaking court order, ex bing verbally abusive. It shames me as a woman why women treat their ex'es like this. In your case as well as my partners they left you for someone else, it's almost like they are punishing you for that ,when it's their decision!!

It is hard to cope when there is so much stress going on, it's not good for anyone. These women know which buttons to press. We have a rule now: If she wants to rant or disucss stuff that does not involve the child, she is free to email us! If she starts on ranting and being abusive by text, it is kept and used as evidence. We will not answer/reply to demands such as "call me NOW!" which when we don't call is followed by "you don't care"..... it's like a broken record!

I disagree with the courts siding with the mum per se. My partner has his daughter 3 WEEKS out of 4! and has had that for about 2-3 years now. He has been advised that if mother doesnt toe the line with the "medical/mental/social issues" that she has that he can apply for FULL CUSTODY! So, there is hope!!

Surely breaching the contact order - you can take that back to court? Does this other guy want your little boy to call him dad? If so that's very very odd........

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 actd
Registered
(@dadmod4)
Joined: 15 years ago

Illustrious Member
Posts: 11895

It is hard to cope when there is so much stress going on, it's not good for anyone. These women know which buttons to press. We have a rule now: If she wants to rant or disucss stuff that does not involve the child, she is free to email us! If she starts on ranting and being abusive by text, it is kept and used as evidence. We will not answer/reply to demands such as "call me NOW!" which when we don't call is followed by "you don't care"..... it's like a broken record!

That's the best way to deal with it, it's very satisfying using her own words against her in court (I've been there) and ignoring the 'call me now' texts will annoy her as she's losing the control she's had in the past.

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