[Solved] Can the school stop me from seeing my kids

Hello mate I can't answer that but would be interested to know,i went to my daughters school with a letter and asked if a member of staff could give it to my daughter as my ex is binning the ones I sent to the house, the head came out to see me and I explained the situation and she basically said its best if they don't get involved which I can understand but I thought she was a bit rude, iv since learnt my daughter now has to go from her last lesson to reception and wait for her mum as if I'm a threat,I'd like to know what she told them.but its a good school and at least they take the children's safety seriously.

I guess the schools are in a difficult possition, Their main concern is the safety of the children in their care.

If they are told something by the mother they have to act on it, they aren't there to take sides or cause issues but only to look after your children, I would say think about a scenario that a unknown turned up at the school asking to see children and the school aloud this, there would be out cry and up roar. I know the is an extreme example.

The school head teacher is looking out for the safety of the children the the school and although they may come accross as being difficult I would imagine it's an uneasy thing to do.

I'm not saying for one second that either of you are a threat, far from it, but some fathers are and thats the issue, some fathers ruin it for the rest.

Good luck and hope you get some reselution. I would say avoid going to the school as your ex's could use this against you even though you have the best intensions.

Darren

Hi Seb,

Darren is right about the school's position, but if you have not already done it, you could possibly help yourself by asking the head to be put on the school's mail list so that you could be updated with your children's progress and of upcoming events they are involved in, assembly, school play's etc and in that way build a rapport and confidence with their school. You would then have an identity with the school as they would have your contact details and know who you are. I don't know if legally your ex could object to this but I would assume that as long as there has been no mental or physical threat from you that she would be unable to. I hope this will be helpful, good luck

The above is right and a great shout, you can ask them to put you on the contact list, though as the main carer and the school main contact they would contact your ex to ask if this is ok, If she say's no they wouldn't add you.

When you are looking at resolving all your contact issues I would bring this up also and see if you can get on the school list as it will make life lots easier for you.

Darren

Thanks guy, I understand what you are all saying, I think what really got to me was the heads attitude and the feeling she had made her mind up by just what the ex had said, the more I look into things the more I realise that I have no rights at all and will just hope that one day the kids will want to see me.

Been to a solicitor, £216 for two letters, court is not an option financialy, I just wish the powers that be could see what these people are doing and how they are causing family unrest, I wonder if they changed the system and unless they let the kids see there father you will not receive any money or penalised, I bet there would be a [censored] of a lot happier fathers, To me its just a con for the govt , fathers rights your having a laugh, even going to court does not guarantee anything,

thanks for the replys

cheers

Seb,

All is not lost, you can go to court and you can have an order written for as little as £200 what you can do is apply to the court for a contact order, this is what the £200 covers, once the application is made you can represent yourself throughout.

It's not an easy proccess emotionally but isn't a difficult proccess to go through, your mind will make everything worse than it actually is.

I went through court and represented myself, I didn't use any solicitors and just used common sense as to what was to happen.

There is a guide to applying for and then representing yourself through court in the legal section.

I would though before applying to court send your ex a letter outlining what you would like in respect of contact and that you would like to discuss this in mediation, The chances are she will decline this, but when you get to court it will help that you have suggested this first before approaching court.

Darren

Hi again Seb,

I empathise with your frustration and anguish you feel at a system that certainly seems to favour the mothers position, I never approached any solicitors as I had already had an insight through a friend as to the bias and costly financial scenario that it is, instead I changed my strategy by using my knowlege of my ex, by talking to her in a way that wasn't patronizing yet acknowledging to her that she was in control and I was appealling to her compassion, not that I had a fathers right to see the children, but OUR children had a right to see their father and the importance of having HIM in their lives. Obviously she would decide days and times etc of access but it's a beginning that you can work on as time passes, and as the dust settles she will hopefully become less objective, especially if she sees that you are having a good effect on the children and they will consequently reflect that back on her. Hang in there mate, as I have said on this forum before, always let the children know you are there for them, however difficult that may be, their love is the greatest reward you can take from this and makes it all worth it in the end.....I know!!!

just to add a bit of experience..the LEA only hold the primary carers details..they dont have a box on their system in which to put second parent details..the reason i mention this is when it comes to school selection/reports etc you wont be contacted...unless..on every individial occassion you want info you have to ask ...there also seems to be an air of 'this is mums domain' in schools..whats it got to do with you.?.youre just interfering to be awkward etc..

Hi there

I know it seems a silly question - but there are many children who parents have separated and therefore they should have both names as emergency contacts etc.

Schools surely must allow for this - and some are good at it.