[Solved] confused and worried sick over fatherhood

Hi mate, thanks for posting and being brutally honest! It sounds like quite a dilemma.

Without really knowing you or the situation, I have some thoughts (and questions). From what you've said it sounds like your partner is being very accommodating and patient. After you said the things you said to her, for her to suggest you live nearby and still be involved as much as you want to be, she obviously loves you and wants you to play a part in both hers and your childs life. She sounds like a good'un to me.

I'm guessing there was a spark or something at the beginning of the relationship? Relationships can go through various seasons and sometimes love is more of a verb than a feeling. Could this just be a season that you need to work through to re-light that spark?

Its all easy to say from a long way off, but it could be worth giving things a real good go with your partner and look to build a happy home for the three of you.

Let us know what you decide.

Thanks mate, I appreciate that. I am attending counselling to deal with anxiety/ depression and I do intend to give it a real good go with my gal- like you said she is indeed a good 'un. She's put up with me for this long! I did fairly regularly tell her that I didn't want kids we discussed splitting up but always put it off. I'm kicking (if not slowly killing myself) with regret for not taking resposibility and leaving, just felt I couldn't, perhaps Im too dependent. The spark defo needs reigniting,to say the least! BUT,it is what it is I'll give it 100% and get help I need. Hopefully I wont be such a whinging gobshite next post!
Thanks for taking the time.

Hi Hoping,

Welcome to the site mate. Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. Feel free to whinge - its ok, some times its good to have an outlet.

Can I ask why you didn't want kids ?

Gooner

Well, I've always been scared of that kind of commitment. Plus I fear ill be a lousy dad. I'm a good uncle- I'm told. My 4 year old niece the other day overheard a chat with my sister and I and said He's worried about being a dad, silly, all he has to do is be like he is with me and my sister- He's adorable! Out of the mouths of babes! I guess I've never seen it as anything but a burden- thats purely for me- I recognise some people love it and fair play.I'm rather a neurotic obsessive and at times depressive character I'm worried ill create a kid as confused as me! Another thing is its completely the end of your old life. One of reasons I was going to split with my good lady is that I cannot stop green grassing and fantasising about other women.I feel trapped with a great girl but one that doesn't really satisfy me in that way. Shallow I know but cant get stuff like that out of my mind.
Cheers for post

I am impressed by your honesty mate.

How are you feeling now that you have the impending birth of your child on it's way ?

When is the baby due btw ?

Kid due March,I was only told 3 weeks ago though.Like I said I'm not runnin away but just feel stressed and worried at mo.Not what I ever wanted. Oh well I can only get on with it.
Cheers.

Hi

And another welcome to the site. I've just read through your posts and I can see this is indeed a very difficult time for you.

You say that you are going to try to sort things out with your partner and get the relationship back on track but you and she have been together for eight long years and while you say you always harboured doubts throughout that time, I wonder if you can get that spark back. If you still fantasise about other women and feel your partner doesn't satisfy you - can you ever get this trapped feeling to subside?

I know your family say do the decent thing by her and the baby, but you can still be a caring and involved dad, even if you live down the road. Don't feel pressured to stay because of what others will think of you. It will only harbour resentment long term.

You say too that you have always been scared of that kind of commitment. What was your own upbringing like. Were your parents together, or did one cheat on the other. What was your dad like - did you feel he was a good role model growing up? Many of these types of fears can be traced back to childhood - but I understand if you don't want to say much more.

I hope I am not coming across as negative - I hope you and your partner can sort things out if that is what you both want. I know you are having counselling but you might want to consider seeing Relate together too.

I hope this helps.