[Solved] Could really do with some advice/help please

Hi DM,

Sorry for the delay in response.

Where you are at the moment isn't great what your feeling is natural, You have been there for your children when their mother hasn't been, and now your not being aloud to.

It's true you have made some wrong choices recently but you shouldn't beat yourself up for those when we are pushed to the limit we all do things that we wouldn't normally consider.

All is not lost and i'm sure there is plenty that can be done, I haven't much experience of the issues you are going through but I know there are others on here who have so stick around and keep checking back.

When times are low it's always hard to look on the bright side but you have found this forum and help isn't far away.

Feel free to keep chatting i'm here all day

Hi DangerMouse,

Welcome to DadTalk mate. Wow you have been through a lot over the last couple of years, I can understand why your feeling low at the moment. It's understandable that you feel the way you are but all is not lost. You have done the right thing by sharing how your feeling and looking for some help and advice.

As Social Services are involved with your kids I will ask The Family Rights group to pop by and offer any advice they can about how best to deal with the Social Worker.

Are you feeling specifically low today ?

Gooner

Hi DM,

Firstly well done, for being brave enough to share your story. Dad talk is about listening and sharing our stories because we have all found it difficult at some point in our parenting role.

You may have made some mistakes in the past, but realizing those mistakes is the first big step to changing things for your children.

You obviously love your children, I hear it in every sentence you have written. I want you to know, that your children need you, and you need to be the best and most reasonable parent you can be for them.

So dust yourself off, keep your head up and do what you can to be the best you can be for those children.

We are here to help, so please keep talking to us, if you have any questions, please ask them and we will do our best to answer them.

Chris

Hi thanks for the replies, all this social worker does is say,

"see a solicitor"

My wife rings and says she wants to come home, she has tried to tell the social worker she wants to come home but he gets.. in your face, threatening. He says in his opinion we should not be together.

We asked for help and all they do is either ignore your pleas for help or "divide and conquer" split us up, tell lies ect..

He even had a health visitor "monitor" my mental health! Invasion of privacy aint in it.. Anything they do, like try to access my medical records via a phone call (which is a no-no) he just repeats "child protection issue" NEVER ever have our kids been hurt/at risk/put in danger of physical harm, I could say emotional but they are so young.

He makes comments/opinions about issues he is not qualified to make. I don't know what to say just?? No one has ever had issues with our parenting. Kids are on targets for weight/growth/speech.

It's like we are being penalised for having bad childhoods.. I was abused by my eldest brother as a child. He made it a part of the plan for me to goto the police, he thinks nothing of asking me what exactly he did to me in front of others, he know calls it "childhood experiences" its called historical sexual child abuse..

Hi DM,

I will also ask the Coram Children's Legal Centre to pop by and offer you some free Child Law advice.

As for what to do next - where abouts are you based? (don't need too much details just rough idea of area) We can suggest some people to contact for help and support.

Gooner

I am based in the North West, Merseyside.

Thanks for your help, this thing, it drains energy, the stress, you think "Oh it can't get much worse" then.. BOOM.

The position as it is put to me, they have not gone "legal" but if I do then they will, and the only option I am constantly given is get a solicitor.

My wife has already been to one and this piece of paper she signed is not worth the paper it is written on. Bear in mind she left, very "emotional" he shoved it in her face and forced her to sign it.

The stuff I am being told what goes on in this place my wife and children are in, God only knows how it stays open, open drug use in full view of children, violence, thefts.. It's a [censored] sick joke..

I know what all this amounts to, [censored] covering, and lots of it.

DM,

First thing you need to do is look after yourself. As you pointed out

I am on diazapam I struggle to take care of myself at the moment so I am under no illusion that I am in any fit state to be looking after my children

You have obviously been to see your Doctor about your low mood. It would be worth your while popping back and having a chat about if he/she is able to refer you for some talking therapy. Something like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy http://www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/making_sense_of_cognitive_behaviour_therapy which has been proved to be very effective when dealing with depression. Also if you find that the drugs are not helping then go back and discuss this as well - sometimes it can be trial and error to find which drug helps stabilise your moods the best. It's very important that you chat with your GP if your low moods are not improving.

Of course sharing on DadTalk could be of great help as well.

I guess you're not feeling very supported by your social worker at the moment. Which is a great shame as in situations like this social care works better when the care worker and parents feel that they are working together in partnership. It sounds as if you feel like you are not being listened to ?
I would suggest that you contact your local Families need Fathers group. They have face to face meetings and can offer all sorts of advice and practical support. Here is a link for your local branch http://www.merseyside.fnf.org.uk/ Your local contact is Colin and his number is 07985 695 522 or 07776 304 973 .

I hope some of this advice is of help mate.

Gooner

Hi DM,

Theres some great advice and help available as Gooner has sugested,

We are all about on here throughout the day and night so feel free to chat and discuss anything you like (on this topic or not).

Keep us up-dated on where things are going as at every turn there will be someone on this site who has experienced similar and will be able to offer advice or guidence your not alone through this.

Darren

DM,

You could also go to your local Childrens Centre for support as well. A dad friendly centre in your local area is Halewood Children centre. Children's centres are an ideal place to go for help, they are there to support all parents - why not pop in and have a chat. I'm sure when you share some of what you having been going through they would love to help with advice and support. here is their website link http://www.halewood.childrencentres.org/index.php?page_id=12

Basically use as many of these support services that I have suggested as possible - the worse that is going to happen is that you'll decide after trying them that maybe the odd one may not be right for you.

Please keep in touch mate.

Gooner

Hi DM,

from my experience with Social Services, all I can say is don't lose it in front of them! They should be noting down your behaviour etc etc when you are with them so all I can suggest (apart from all the other stuff being said) is to be as humble and helpful as possible with them (even tho you may not feel like it!)

Dear DangerMouse,

If social services are investigating anything then we would advise you to comply as far as possible. If you feel that social services are not treating you well and conducting themselves correctly then you can put a complaint in through their complaints procedure, however you will need to consider the effect this may have your relationship with them.

Unfortunately we are unable to ascertain what other specific legal questions you have. Could you please clarify these and we will aim to answer them as soon as possible. If you want to contact us directly please call us on 0808 802 0008 or use our webchat facility which can be found on our website, www.childrenslegalcentre.com.

Thank you

Coram Children’s Legal Centre.

Hi Dangermouse

My name is Suzie, an advisor from the Family Rights Group, an organisation that gives advice where Children’s Services are involved.

Sorry to hear about your complex and difficult situation.

Parental Responsibility

I am not sure if you have parental responsibility for the children, either by marriage, your name being registered on the birth certificate if they were born after 1 December 2003, or by court order.

Children’s Services involvement

From your post it sounds as if you state that Children’s Services are involved. I am not sure if your children are subject to a child protection or child in need plan? Or is a core assessment being conducted.

Contact

May I suggest that you request that the social worker may agree to supervise contact, at a family centre, as part of any core assessments, that are being conducted. It will be important to engage with this, as it could prove important when any decisions are being made about future contact with your children.

Do you have any family members, that would be able to supervise contact?

Family Group Conference

Have the social worker offered you a family group conference. This is a family led meeting, that helps in making future plans for the children. It would also look at what support each family member is able to offer, and could give the family, rather than Local Authority greater say in decisionmaking

Mental Health

Please try to visit your gp, as they will be able to monitor you mental health in the short term. You may be able to discuss a referral for counselling or to the community mental health team. It is possible you could receive support from a community psychiatric nurse or social worker to address any unresolved issues from your past.

Domestic Abuse

Can I suggest you contact Respect. This is an organisation that provides support to victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse. They can be contacted on: 0808 801 0327 http://www.respect.uk.net/.

Legal Advice

You may wish to contact a solicitor to discuss your legal options in relation to your children.

If you wish to discuss your situation in more detail, please contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366 between Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm.

Best Wishes

Suzie