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Hi my name is Mark, I live in Telford, Shropshire. I have recently seperated with my wife of 15 years after finding out she was having an affair with a patient at the hospital where she works as a nurse. My life has been thrown into complete turmoil. My son is 10 years old and I love him to bits, I have no problem with his care and have kept up all of his routines. I am struggling mentally, financially and physically though. I have been close to suicide on several occassions but keep going for the sake of my son. I am on anti-depressants and anxiety medication, I hardly sleep, my eating is nothing for two or thee days then binge, I have started smoking and avoiding the things I used to do, because my ex has done her best to dig the knife in with all the people I know. Most nights I cry and look at myself and see a failure and someone who doesn't have much of a future. I am lonely and crave adult company, I am just about holding down my part time job to put food on the table and pay the bills. I don't see things getting any better, but just try and get through 1 day at a time - hoping something good will happen, but it doesn't. My father left when I was 5, I know how this affected me and how it would affect him. I am under so much pressure!!!
Hi Markh
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Hopefully, others will be able to give you advice on contact groups etc, I would say that it's worth speaking to someone. I'd also strongly advise giving up on the smoking etc - apart from the cost, you need to be taking care of yourself first so that you can then give the best of yourself to your son.
Hi Markh,
That sounds really tough. Sorry to hear all that. You mentioned that your dad left when you were 5 but its important that your son knows that you aren't choosing to leave him and that he knows how much he means to you. Remember, you are still his hero! If nothing else, focus on doing everything well and staying healthy for his benefit.
Have you considered going for any counselling? If you don't want to do that, do you have any hobbies or clubs you could get involved in so you can get some adult company. Just some thoughts!
Keep us updated on how things are going.
Hi Markh
I'm really sorry to hear how bad you are feeling - you are certainly going through a tough time right now. You still have your son, he knows how much you love and care for him and this will never change, you sound to have a strong bond with him. Try to hang on to that.
It's good to hear that you have had help from your doctor to get you through but I do think it would help you too, to talk to a counsellor too. You can get the right kind of help at Relate on 0300 100 1234, http://www.relate.org.uk offers online support as well as face-to-face counselling . There are often bursaries available and free online counselling and advice, via live chat. This is available to parents whose relationship is in trouble through http://www.relateforparents.org.uk
You can also call the Samaritans any time night or day on 08457 90 90 90. Just being listened to can really help you.
You are not a failure even though I know things feel so bad for you right now, and you are in turmoil, but it won't always be like this. Do reach out for help, it can make all the difference.
I hope this helps, but please let us know how you're doing.
Hi markh,
Welcome to the site. The first thing for you to know is that you are not alone mate. There are many men who go through exactly the same thing you are (its estimated that 8% of men in this country will suffer from depression to some degree in their lifetime).
Believe it or not, you have done the hardest part by recognising that you have a problem and making positive steps to try to resolve the issue. A lot of men find it difficult to go to their GP and ask for help.
Take a look at this article on the site Chased by the black dog. Max, a friend of DadTalk, is well on his way to recovery. He still has bad patches but the dark days are far fewer now.
One of the hardest parts regarding medication for depression is getting the dosage right, so make sure you get some follow up visits with your GP. If you feel that your dose isn't strong enough ask about stepping up a dosage level.
Max found CBT helpful (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) - Its a talking therapy that helps change the negative thought patterns a suffer experiences. In studies this has proved very successful when married with anti depressants. Max was able to get his CBT therapy on the NHS (so no cost attached).
If you want some in depth info private message me.
The one thing to focus on is that you are not a failure - you have a wonderful Son.
I can imagine how isolated you feel at the moment - Do you have you son full time with you or only on certain days ?
Hang in there mate - and if you are feeling low, come back here for a chat.
Gooner
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
