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Hi I'm new to this,
my ex-wife is looking at moving house to a new location 100+ miles away and I dont have a car. We have two children aged 8 &10 years old and they live with her. I have a great relationship with our children and have regular weekly access which I had to fight hard for and also an extra day in half term and more at easter and summer hols albeit on her terms. I go to their school events that they are involved in and always see them on their birthdays, I also have them on alternate Xmas eve's. As you can see I'm actively involved in their lives week to week .
I'm very upset at the idea of them moving so far away as I will not be able to have the same contact, she has not spoken to me about it yet, which is bang out of order, it was the children who told me, my little girl aged 8 is confused by it and my son (10) said his mum told him it would be a great new adventure, which appeals to him though going to a new school doesnt but the main reason he doesnt want to go is because he wouldnt see me or his grandparents as often. They both attend a great school where they are very settled and happy and have many friends.
Has anyone on here had experience of this and is there anything I can do to prevent her from taking the children away at least until they are a bit older.I'm 60 years old now ( my ex is 40) and have 1 or 2 small medical problems but which are life changing and I am not quite as mobile as I used to be.
Hi there and welcome to Dadtalk
Sorry to hear about your situation - I am not sure of the law but believe that unless your ex is taking them abroad there is little you can do.
It may be worth contacting the Childrens Legal Centre as they would be best placed to answer your specific questions
I have dropped them a note
Thank you for your reply..I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to do much about it... you say you have dropped a note to the Childrens Legal Centre...could you tell me how I contact them please?
Hopefully, they'll post on here, but there's a link at the bottom of this website if you want to call them.
I went to CAB yesterday and now have an appointment with an advisor more specialised in this field...it would appear that there is little I can do except remain calm and mature and wait to see what she proposes in terms of access and hopefully acceptable arrangements can be made. The main thing is not to throw the toys out of the pram (which I wont) and create a bigger problem. The system does seem to favour the mother and its all the more galling that she walked out on me after 14 years ( 10 married) for a break because we were going round in circles with our differences and arguments. I consented to her taking the children with her, even helped her with the move, let her take household items she would need and also some finance, I was left with an expensive private tenancy and bills that go with it to pay for( which I had always done anyway as she never worked because she suffered from M.E.) till things ( as she said ) get sorted out and we can hopefully become a family again...it never happened...she got farther and farther away. Add to that I had just been made redundant two months earlier ( money all gone now) and my mother died five months later its been a tough three years, no compassion from her, now this. I'm a good dad, my children love me and that's what matters, so to all of you dads out there with similar problems, hang in there for your children and always let them know you are there for them however difficult the circumstances......their love is the greatest reward you can take from all this.
It sounds like you are having a tough run.
It sounds very similar to what happened to me at the outset, although our relationship had not been so long.
I really hope you can make some headway with access arrangements before she moves. I am finding it difficult because my daughter is only 4 and my only means of contact is through her mother, and as travel is a huge undertaking taking either days or huge sums of money, I cant just drop in.
It is incredibly hard when they move away, much more so than the seperation, or seeing them only some of the week was, as you feel out of touch and seem to have no say at all. I hope it is better for you.
Do your kids have their own electronic devices? (tablet, laptop, ipod, mobile phone) If so, and you are not doing it already, get skype or similar set up so you can video chat with them without relying on devices owned by your ex. That gives some control of your communication back to you and the kids, and seeing them on screen helps a little
You sound like you have had a really [censored] time recently man - you seem to have come through it with a great strength of character -well done, I'm not sure I would have been as level headed as you seem to be.
I think some of dc's suggestions are excellent.
Good luck and stay strong.
Hey dc
Is it any better now - I think if people can see some light at the end of the tunnel then there's hope!
Mario, Its still early days for me, and I am still getting used to it.
I am coping better than I expected, and my little girl seems ok too. I have been lucky that I also got to take her away on holiday for a couple of weeks, which was fantastic, but putting her back was the hard part.
I am also lucky that I will be off island with work from time to time and can hopefully tie in seeing her, but the big problem is not really knowing how long it will be till I see her again.
If you can get in to a fairly regular pattern it will help, as it will give parent and child something to look forward to.
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