[Solved] Hello all. Looking for a little advice!

Hi and welcome

Firstly with regards to the CSA, they don't charge a anything so the full amount will go to your ex (that may change in the future), I believe - though I could be wrong - that they don't take maintenance into account when calculating benefits.

However, at this stage, I would seriously consider mediation to see if there is any way you can come to an agreement. Also, although your ex is wary of the CSA at the moment, that doesn't mean she won't change her mind later on so I would make sure that any payments you make are documented and I'd also consider bringing your payments back to date as if the CSA become involved they won't take into account the fact that you have paid in advance - it depends on how you think the whole situation could go.

One more possibility - you must never withhold maintenance payments because contact is withheld, BUT in your case, you have paid in excess (ie advance) of what you should pay and she doesn't want to go through the CSA - it does seem to me that you do have some room to bargain while still paying the minimum required - that could be useful in mediation.

Thank you for the reply

If I was to go down the solicitor route do you think she has any case against my son staying with me at the new property?

One of my biggest concerns is she may try to cut all my access whilst the legal work is being done which I have heard can drag on for months. I read somewhere that I can go to court at very short notice to stop this break of contact whilst legal work is going on and that if I have had no issues with seeing my child previously I would get my current access continued whilst the legal work was ongoing?

It is possible that she will stop access whilst you wait for a court date, just out of spite, you may loose out in the short term but the long term gains are worth it,

Like ACTD has said though it worth trying for mediation first before you start court as ths could speed things up if you manage to gain an agreement though it, or if you can't will speed up court proccess as you have already done mediation.

If you go to court the Judge is likely to re start contact with a interim order at the first visit.

Darren

Thank you

Just one other question is there any rules saying that she can stop the child staying at my house purely because of the other people at the house? In this case my partner and her brother. Obviously they are no safety concerns or anything silly like that.

She is the sort of woman who basically says.. I am a full time parent you have no rights blah blah I can do anything I want....
She even tried to change my sons name till I found out I have RP and she needed my permission!

Thank you

The court are concerned with the safety and welfare of children, and as long as there are no concerns (and your ex may try to fabricate some to hinder your case), then for the time that you have contact, she cannot dictate who your son sees. There is the possibility that she may persuade the court that contact should be supervised, so just in case, it's a good idea to pre-empt this and have a plan for reducing supervised contact over a period to be written into the ordert so you don't have to go back to court to get the order varied - of course, don't volunteer this if it looks like you may get the contact straight away that you are after.

Sat down with the ex today to try to defuse the situation and find a solution but to no avail!

She basically knows the current situation with where I will live will only last for around 6 months anyway till I found somewhere with my partner.

She has said she will drag the situation with court on for much longer than 6 months basically making it pointless from even going to court and make it very expensive for me in the meantime regarding solicitors etc. Of course she doesn't work so won't cost her a penny.. Only thing that will happen to her during this time is she will get MORE money out of me due to my child support payment going up.

Can she really drag it out that long?

My son is currently having doctors appointments/blood tests etc etc because SHE believes he has autism even thou there is no proof of it and his teachers tell me he is completely normal. Anyway long story short she says she will use this to help her drag out the situation in court.

Also the fact my current house mate has a girlfriend (who my kid likes) but she just makes it out that I am surrounding him with strangers and that if we move in with my partners brother it will be worse because its more strangers and it will be bad for my sons health because of his made up problems....

I would look at representing yourself, that way money isn't an issue and she can't force you to abandon a case through costs. It is possible that a case can drag out if she doesn't co-operate with the courts. What does she gain though from dragging it out, I don't quite understand here? However, whatever the answer, if she looks like she's going to, I would express this as a concern early on in court as hopefully a judge will then be more wary of requests to adjourn.

Hello

The situation is we are going to move in with her brother and basically save for 6 to 12 months before buying a house together. It is during this time she is refusing me overnight access to my son.

She has told me she can drag it out for longer than this anyway or drag it on that long that by the time it's sorted it will only get my access for a month or two before having our own place (which she says she is ok with) So if basically she drags it on for 6 months plus and drains money even if I win I will loose.

Hope that made sense!

As I mentioned above, if you represent yourself, then you don't incur any costs aside the initial court fee. The other thing to remember is that if you give in now, in a years time, she may have moved the goalposts and make it difficult then - I would seriously look at starting the proceedings now so at the very least, in a year you have it resolved, but hopefully a lot before then.