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Hello all,
I need help/suggestions/coaching on how to ensure my 7yo daughter remains with me long-term, as her mother ie my wife and I separate. I am also non-adoptive step-dad to wife's 12yo son from previous marriage, and she insists on withdrawing him from local school (Hampshire) and taking him from home to live with her and her affair partner. Even as I try to prevent that, I need everything and everything that will help me absolutely ensure I keep custody of my daughter.
Wife habitually uses recreational drugs and alcohol, and there has been one traumatic incident in which she procured drugs in front of children, denying and eventually admitting to then-11yo boy, causing him to try to run away out of not "wanting to be with anyone doing drugs" (his words). Wife is now 18mos into affair that she (and friends) long denied and hid until I installed snooping software. Over past 30mos she'd been steadily increasing her overnight absences from home from just Fri night/once per week, to two nights a week, growing to four and five - whereupon I redoubled steps to find evidence of affair. When I presented her with evidence, and with choice of staying home & ending affair or continuing affair & leaving, she opted for the latter. I made her leave on the day, six weeks ago.
Step-son was initially extremely condemning of his mother and dead set against moving with her, but his behaviour has changed markedly in past two or three weeks. His biological dad is in Australia, and initially was himself so outraged he said he was going to have his son return to Australia - but wife put that down as he'd signed consent forms (2005) to her bringing step-son abroad.
As a non-adoptive stepfather, I don't have Parental Responsibility for 12yo boy and will therefore have to battle to stop wife from taking him. But as 7yo daughter's father, I will do anything to protect her. I've looked into seeking Residence Order(s) - which I suspect wife will contest, even though for more than three years she had no previous compunction leaving kids alone with me while she gallivanted around. I'll appreciate all suggestions, especially if somehow courts (which would set combative tone) can be avoided.
Thanks in advance!
Hi and welcome.
As you have probably guessed, the only way the courts can be avoided is if you can come to an arrangement with your ex, either privately or through mediation. If you can't then you would be looking at a residence order. You could also go to court to get PR of your step-son. Are you in direct contact with your step sons father? It might be helpful if you were as I think you would be well working together - there is no sensible reason why not as you have a common goal and you are over here and can deal with matters directly.
With regards to coming to an arrangement with your ex privately - what are her thoughts about your daughter living with you permanently with her having contact on an agreed basis? If she is happy with the idea for the moment, then it may be worth continuing with this for as long as possible even if you don't get a written agreement - the reason being the longer she is settled with you, the less likely a court would be to change that arrangement in the future should your ex decide she wants a different arrangement.
Once you have replied to this, we can ask our experts at CCLC to comment, assuming you haven't engaged a solicitor.
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