[Solved] HELP!!! 1st Mediation Meeting with Ex

Hi Hartley and welcome 🙂

Mediation is a great starting point and hopefully you will be able to talk through the issues of contact with your ex and reach an agreement that is best for your daughter. The Mediator isn't really there to ask questions, he/she will be there for guidance but will remain neutral.

It might be a good idea to have the things you want to cover written down, so that you can concentrate on the most important issues that you want discussed. Always remain civil to your ex and try and stay calm and reasonable, listen to your ex and try to reassure her about any concerns she may have. If you show consideration then you are much more likely to reach an agreement that is fair.If you have any kind of attitude then this may get her back up and then she is less likely to want to accomodate you. I would start with the optimum amount of contact you would like and then you can reach a compromise without feeling you have lost too much.
The age of the child does have a bearing on length of contact, as a baby the mother can dictate to a greater degree because of feeding times and all the routine that a young baby requires. However you make the point that you have had a full involvenment in every aspect of her care, and have already established a strong bond which will be recognized. It would be good to get your ex to agree that this is the case too and have it acknowledged in the mediation settlement.

Have a look on the www.nfm.org.uk website it will give you some useful tips about the meeting and what to expect.

Good luck with everything and let us know how you get on.

Many thanks NannyJane,

I'm so willing and able to support my little princess in her journey through life and be there for her, I just 'hope' my ex can put aside her own desires and put our daughter first.

This is going to sound a little out there...but...I know anythings possible...but...under my circumstances of the relationship breakdown, in the swift time-line this has happened, could a woman have planned to have a baby with someone only to exclude the man at a later stage? I know it sounds unimaginable!?!? Just your thoughts on this.

Also I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you and everyone at DAD.info for your continued hard work and efforts supporting the likes of willing and loving Daddy's to their children.

N

Hi there

Welcome to the forum

What is reasonable is often decided between you and your ex-partner - you will both need to agree on the outcome but remember any regular access has to be great and a way of spending quality time with your daughter.

Consider what time you can commit to - weekends, evenings holidays etc

Does your ex work or go out and therefore need support?

Try to play it to your advantage but like I said before anything that is permanent is a good thing

Good luck and let us know how you get on

...I'm happy to help! 🙂

Break ups are always so hard, but as long as you stay focused on your little girls well being, rather than point scoring with the ex, then you stand a better chance of weaving a path through the problems that will arise, and hopefully come through it all relatively unscathed!

As you say, anythings possible and the actions of some women leave much to be desired, although I feel they represent a small minority.Most people, both men and women, love their children and dont have difficulty putting them first. I think that pregnancy, childbirth and becoming a mother can hit some women quite hard and it changes them....If you ask a lot of new Dads they will agree! I'm sure there are women out there that just want a sperm donor, or some a meal ticket... I would have thought that women in these catagories wouldn't wait around for 9 months after giving birth to discard their victim though. I would suggest that whatever the reasons behind a split, it does no good to dwell too much on the whys and wherefores... sure we should ask ourselves if we could have done things differently and make a conscious effort to learn from any mistakes we made, but accepting and moving on is far more important, especially when children are involved.

Thank you once again,

How do I save your name/profile to assist me in future matters?

N

Hi SM,

Thanks for your comments and input.

In answer to your question my ex doesn't work she claims benefits. I have a good career and support through CSA a quite healthy amount per month now.

I can commit from Thursday evening to Sunday evening and I thought because of her age we could get her in a routine sooner rather than when she is aware of change. But my ex says she depends on her and no-one else. I honestly think she doesn't want anyone to see her only her close family. She has another child (5yr) to another guy (not on the seen) and I can't help but think...has she done this before?!?

Thanks for your assistance
N

Hi there
Along the bottom, underneath the posts, where the reply topic box is situated, you will also see a blue box with the word favourite. Just click on this and this thread will be saved to your favourites which you can then access from your profile page.

I usually pay a visit to the forum most days so I will pick up on any threads that have been posted...there is also the private messaging facility.