[Solved] Help

Hi Stu,

Firstly - not so relevant to contact, but useful to know - are you named on the birth certificate?

If there was a contact order in place, then your ex could not dictate who you introduce to your children to (unless there was some restriction in the order). The plain fact is that without an order, your ex has control of the children and, even though it's not right, there is little you can do about it without starting the legal process.

The first step, however, is to look at mediation - a court will normally want to see that you have at least attempted this before going on to applying for a contact order. It is always possible that the threat of going to court may encourage your ex to co-operate with mediation and that you may get a result without the need to go any further.

Your threatening texts/calls are not an ideal start, but I would hope that a family court, if it ever goes that far, will understand that it was not an unnatural reaction with the situation you found yourself in. From now on, however, you need to be whiter-than-white with all dealings with your ex - don't react rashly to anything she says or does, and keep all communication to her civil, and keep records of everything that goes on - your ex may well know what buttons to press to get a reaction, and you need to avoid this.

Finally, before you do anything else, I'd ring the Childrens Legal Centre and have a word to see what they recommend you do next.

Please let us know on here how you get on.

Hello
Thanks for your quick reply.

To answer your questions:-

Yes I am on the birth certificates for both my children.

No contact Order in place, Verbal agreement between me and my ex.

I think I will look into the mediation idea

The thing I am also concerned with I am not paying full maitenance as I cant afford it and by me going legal means she will push that forward, I hear that once she applies for that they can take me to court or even jail for non payments, I am only paying just over half of what is owed each month and appx 3 months behind.

Hi

Can you clarify - are the CSA involved with your maintenance?

I'm afraid the maintenance is something you are going to have to handle properly as avoiding the issue isn't the solution, and you are giving your ex a lot of leverage - basically if you are in a house you can't afford, then you may need to consider downsizing. However, a couple of things first - how have you calculated how much you owe? According to the CSA calculation, you should be paying 20% of your takehome pay for 2 children, less certain allowable deductions - these include and travel costs over £15 per week to see your children, and the CSA also take into account any debts that were accrued when you were living together which were for the benefit of the family - I'm not sure if the mortgage is included, but it would be worth checking with the CSA on this.

I am paying her £150 a month, I caclucated I should be paying £220 through the CSA website. She has not gone official with CSA but keeps threatining me to do so cos she knows I CAN'T afford it. The unfortuante thing at the moment is our house is 30k in negative equity so selling isnt really an option. What I have done for the time being is move into my mums and cleared the house out making me council tax exempt and bringin the household bills down to a minimum and continuining to pay the mortgage thus being able to afford to give her at least £150 a month looking to increase it next month to £200. She doesnt pay a penny into keeping the house despite being named 50% on the mortgage. She will not sign the "Consent to Let" forms either so letting it out is neither an option. She wants me to complete the "change in parties" forms to take the house on in my own name (thats only if Northern Rock agree to it) so i can then rent it out leaving me with the 30k debt that she is definately half responsible for. I have tried to speak to the CSA but they inform me that they cant really comment unless she takes it through the official route. In a way I just wish she would so I know where I stand. I wonder if she has looked into to it and realise that what i am paying is more realistic amount if they take into consideration debt incurred together.

Must say your insight and knowledge has been really valuable already, a credit to this site. if only I had got my head out of the sand earlier.

Thanks

OK, a few things from your post - I'm not 100% sure of my facts, so it's worth checking before acting on anything.

First, have you checked the market for rental property? There are often expenses involved in renting a property out - gas safety check and possibly an energy survey. Have a word with a local rental estate agent to find out the realistic prospect of renting out the property, and how much income you'd get. Estate agents will often charge a finders fee plus fee for setting up the rental agreement (quite possibly the whole of the first months rental, but you can negotatiate this before you put the property with them) and a monthly management fee (15% possibly, but again, negotiate) - those figures are plus VAT. Additionally, if you are making a profit, you will have to pay tax on this - there are allowable expenses deductable, but you cannot deduct the whole of the mortgage payment, only the interest.

If the rental market is not so good, you may simply be better off to sell the house and take the negative equity - this way your ex will have to take her share of the debt - if you sign the forms to transfer it to your name and then 6 months down the line, decide that it's no good renting it out, you are stuck with the whole 30k of debt. You really need to take proper financial advice before taking on the whole mortgage - the fact that your ex wants to sign it over to you first implies that she may already have considered this. I'm not sure if the CCCS (there's a thread on this site to ask them questions) have expertise in this area, but costs nothing to ask.

With regards to the CSA, if the case is not with them at the moment, then the basic principle is that they don't deal with anything before they are brought into the case - so there are no arrears that they would deal with. YOU are free to ask them to deal with the case if you so wish, it doesn't have to be your ex - but be warned, once they are involved, the calculations start to run from the day they first contact you. I am reasonably sure about them taking joint debt into account, so possibly another reason not to take on the mortgage at the moment. They are slow to move, and seem not to chase up arrears unless pushed. They have a number of options to take payment, and the first, if you are not paying the full amount, would be attachment of earnings - so you would simply see your takehome pay reduced by the amount they want to take. The jail term that you mention is a last resort and, in my opinion, is unlikely to happen if you are in arrears because you simply cannot pay, as opposed to be seen to be refusing to pay.

One more thought, you are continuing to pay the mortgage - presumably she isn't. If, as I mentioned above, you consider selling and taking the negative equity hit, and the outstanding mortgage is probably joint and several (the usual situation) - this means that Northern Rock can go after either one of you, or both of you for the remaining debt. On this basis, I'd have a word with Northern Rock to explain the situation (always keep them in the picture before you do anything) and see if you can stop paying the mortgage whilst the property goes on the market for a quick sale, and any interest accrued is then added to the mortgage, to increase the negative equity debt to both of you. See if Northern Rock will make an arrangement to convert 50% of the negative equity into a loan for you to pay off over an agreed, and your ex can do the same with her 50%. That way, you aren't paying your ex's 50% of the mortgage as you are at the moment, and you will then be able to afford the maintenance.