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Hi
I wondered if there was anyone that could give me some advice.
I was with my ex for 6 years, we have 2 children together and I am on their birth certificates. We split about 3 years ago, I see the kids every other weekend and every thursday for tea.
I have now met someone new and we have a baby together, since I met my new partner she has tried everything possible to wreck our relationship or at least spoil it in someway. I can't list everything but threatening for me to not see the girls lots of times, she goes out all the time, if I've got the girls and she wants to go out she'll ask if I'll have them an extra night and if I say no because I don't think it's right them getting up at 6am (when I have to leave for work) she'll just say tough you're having them and won't turn up so I have no choice, shes said nasty thing to my ex, about my new baby, she got credit cards out in my name when we were together and told me when we split up so I give her the statement each month and she'd make the payment, shes now stopped paying them and I have loads of defauts on my credit file, when she has a boyfriend which is regular (all of which she intriduceds to my children) she leaves us alone but when she is alone it's like shes bored and has nothing better to do than to try and bug us somehow. She said the other day (when she split up from her latest boyfriend) that she was sorry for how she was and I didn't deserve it, she was going to be nice to me and would never be like it again.
She's now gone to the csa who are going to take a big chunk of my wages, I have no problem paying for my kids, I never have and always will pay. I wouldn't mind if I knew that the money would go on my girls but it wont, like I've said she is out all the time, going on 3 holidays this year, bragging about what shes done, she doesn't feed the kids properly, there is even a picture on facebook where she has got stuff in her fridge and people have commented saying they can't believe that's her fridge and she never has anything in it!
I asked her why she said what she said the other day about me not deserving what she'd done and she just said she was upset so thought she'd be nice, I asked her why she had been missing payments on the credit cards and she just said because I can, I could not pay them at all, I said well thats more or less what you are doing, she said ok take them with you I'm not paying them again.
I'm sorry for this essay, I've been to see a solicitor today and she basically said that this is how some women are, tough, deal with it. I wanted to go to court and get joint custody but she said it wouldn't probably work, I just wanted something set in stone so that she couldn't mess about anymore 🙁
Any advice?
Again sorry for the essay!!
Hi and welcome
OK, there's a lot to cover, so I'll start with the finances.
First, if you haven't already done so, you need to contact the credit card companies and explain the situation. You need to set up automatic payments for the minimum amounts so that you don't get any further defaults on your credit file - you may have to accept that there is little you can do about these debts - it does depend to some extent what they were used for, it may be worth having a word with the CSA about these, as some debts can be taken into account with their calculations.
As regards what you pay in maintenance, I'm afraid that however annoying it is, you have no control over what it is spent on, she doesn't have to account for the money being spent on the children (unless they are being neglected).
I presume you are applying for a contact order - this will give you certainty of contact, so she can't restrict you hours. However, I'm not sure what the court would do about your ex not picking your children up - it's difficult to penalise for effectively giving you more access than asked for, even though there is good reason for you needing her to collect them on time.
Thank you.
I've spoken to citezens advice and the credit card companies, both have sais your name, your debt. By her telling me when we split its like I accepted that she had frauded me so it was my problem, they say I cna try and contact the police but they probably wouldn't do anything. I'll talk to the CSA today as they're demanding payment off me today for my arrears from when she first started this, they said they can check my credit file (and did) to see if I've got a credit card that I can use to make the payment with!
I just wanted something set in stone so that she can't throw anything more in my face, so I pay through CSA and that I have the set times with my kids and she can't turn round and say you can't see them because we've been to court.
It hurts me so much that she can do what she has done, be how she has and nothing can be done, it's all the mothers way. The CSA talk to me like I'm rubbish. She rang them and said I was rufusing to see the kids so they added extra on and this wasn't the case, they wanted me to send evidence that I was having them, where is her evidence that I'm not?? They're our babies not a weapon!!
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