[Solved] Hey forum, advice on a complicated issue please

Hi and welcome on here.

My first comment on what you have said is that your partner sounds like she was quite responsible originally in recognising that she couldn't cope and contacting social services. As for your forthcoming baby, have Children's Services given any indication that they are going to do anything other than monitor the whole situation? Generally, the stories that hit the news are the extreme cases, but it's my understanding that CS will only remove a child as DNA an absolute last resort, and will do everything possible to support the parents to keep a child with the parents if it's safe to do so as that's always going to be in a child's best interests. From what you have said, I don't see any reason to be worried - be open and honest with CS and if you need help, ask for it.

I'm not sure if our experts from FRG are able to give advice when CS aren't yet involved, but I'll ask them in the morning.

Thanks, even hearing that is somewhat of a reassurance. Of course more specific experts may be able to offer more insight.

I'm sure it will be fine in the sense that they will only monitor and not as my initial fear is take the child into custody etc re contact with social services, I've not had any contact as of yet. It is very early on in the pregnancy. She spoke to them earlier and the gist of the conversation I got was that it started well with them.

Its more a horrible gut feeling that needs to be quashed I hope, so that I can go on to enjoy the fruits of fatherhood

Hopefully someone on here who works with the law or social care has some expertise on this...

I've just found out I'm going to be a father, what's already often an emotional roller-coaster is ten-folded by the past of my current girlfriend. I don't want to delve up to much information but she didn't have an altogether great upbringing and as a result went on a succession of bad relationships, eventually it led to a point in her life where she was unable to cope and called social services and her three children were taken into care. This was almost 6 years ago and she has slowly but surely rebuilt her life. To a point where I was genuinely gob smacked when she began to confide in me when we 1st began dating. Anyways....

Obviously the social will be monitoring the situation closely, but I'd like to know what if any part I'll have a say in all this. I have no history of violence/drug abuse/criminal activities etc etc and have worked most of my adult life (recently paid off, great timing huh). Surely they will have to take into account my upbringing and the wonderful loving family on my (the fathers) side. I cannot bear to fathom social services taking away my baby without the chance to prove how much of a good father I know I can be. I have two nephews and I'm great with them, obviously its totally different when its your own kid but I can only see my love/affection being infinitely more in that case. My partner wants to keep the baby and I'm in total agreement so abortion is NOT an option, she's loving, keeps her flat spotless works hard and is just a totally different person to the emotional shell she has told me she once was. I plan on sticking by her and being as supportive as I can but would like to know where I stand on all this if social services decide she is still unfit for parenting. The thought of my child being taken into care absolutely terrifies me and I know it would destroy me.

Any help would greatly appreciated, cheers.

Hi Zal

I am an adviser at Family Rights Group. We advise parents and other family members who are in touch with children’s services (new name for social services)

Congratulations on your partner’s pregnancy. I’m sorry about the difficulties your partner has had in the past and the anxiety this is causing in the current situation.

As ATCD said, the role of children’s services is to support families and to keep them together wherever possible. Removing children from their parents is an extreme step, taken by the courts only when there is evidence that this is in their best interests.

Clearly your partner was in a different place when children’s services were last involved with her and her children. At that time it was decided that she was, unfortunately, unable to meet their needs appropriately. Any decisions about this baby, however, will be made based on the current situation. This will include your partner’s abilities as well as the role that you intend to play.

Your partner has done absolutely the right thing in being open with children’s services about her pregnancy as this shows that she is committed to co-operating with them to ensure that the baby is kept safe. I would advise that you continue to co-operate in this way. If children’s services indicate that they do intend to be involved, arrange a time for you to meet the social worker with your partner at the earliest opportunity. Ensure that s/he is aware that you plan to parent the baby together and that you would both wish to be involved in any meetings/ assessments etc that children’s services carry out.

We have a range of advice sheets about the roles and responsibilities of children’s services. It may be useful for you to have a read through our introductory sheet which can be found here, http://www.frg.org.uk/images/Advice_Sheets/1-an-introductory-guide-to-local-authority-childrens-services.pdf
I would also advise you to read the sheet about parental responsibility as this will explain what steps you can take once the baby is born to ensure that you have the same legal rights as your partner. http://www.frg.org.uk/images/Advice_Sheets/2-parental-responsibility.pdf

If you have any further, specific questions either now or in the future, please do post back or give us a call on our free, confidential advice line (0808 801 0366)

Best wishes

FRG Adviser