[Solved] Hi

Hi there and welcome to Dadtalk

Sounds like you have yourself a problem!!

Have you tried mediation of any kind - if the relationship is well and truly over then at least this will help the terms of the breakup. It may also be deemed favourably by the courts as it looks like you have tried to sort this out.

I think that the court may tell you to sell and split the equity - probably hugely in favour of your partner but the problem will be if she cannot afford anything or the equity is not much.

As for you not being able to stop working - not sure how that works - what if you are made redundant or sacked?

Sure others will respond - you are amongst friends here who have nothing to gain so please stay in touch

Good luck

Hi Digger

Are you, or were you married? And are the dad's to the other children paying her child maintenance?

You are going to be responsible for child maintenance for your daughter, there is little doubt about that. With regards to the property, can I ask what your lawyer said - I would expect that it would depend to a large extent to the answer to my questions above.

Hello,

The girl is eleven next week. Her dad has never made a payment and has not seen her since she was a week old. I really think the CSA have failed with this one. Eleven years and they haven't sorted it out??!!
The boys dad pays £40 every week by mutual agreement and has him one night in 14. Though has him for the day every weekend.

Solicitor told me that I will have to pay maintenance which is fine by me. We are classed as 'co-habitors' i am told, not married.
I put the deposit down, spent four hard long months renovating the property on my days off, pay the mortgage/bills and my ex has not paid a penny she therefore has no financial beneficial interest in the property so therefore 'shouldn't' be entitled to any part of it.

However apparently the courts decide things in favour of the childen. My daughter is the only 'child of the relationship' so should only be in favour of her. I have no parental responsibility for the other two.

Her arguement may be that the house was intended to be a family home and therefore her two kids should be taken into consideration. I counteract that with the above finance issue and the fact that the relationship has broken down and is now not a family home.

My solicitor also stated that i have to live somewhere and therefore cannot afford two properties. If she were to be given this one i would not be able to support it and buy myself somewhere. Also it is mortgaged and my lender is not obliged to accept my ex as taking over the mortgage. The house is 70 miles away from where i work. We only bought here because it is where she is from and her kids are happy in school (and my ex won't cut the apron strings and wander more than arms reach from her mother).

She has gone back to her mothers with the kids and will be coming back to the house when i am at work. I don't come back everynight beacuse of the distance/cost/shifts. Fortunatly my parents put me up.

Ideally she moves back to her mothers, I sell the house once i have renovated the garden and move close to work, I pay maintenance and see my daughter on my days off (4/10).

She is seeing her solicitor on tuesday so i'll wait and see what happens. i bet she doesn't have to pay £180 either, being unemployed....

SuperMario - i would be really p1ssed off if she were to get anything out of the house. I have done the work and i have paid for it. It is all in my name. I don't see that her getting have the equity is in any way beneficial to my daughter?? But doing the job i do i know how rubbish the courts are and nothing would surprise me lol!

I can't be made redundant tho i can be sacked, or quit. And if i am unemployed the house gets repossessed and noone gets anything. Not gonna happen though, i have worked all my life and intend to continue doing so. (unless my numbers come up...)

Hi Digger

What the solicitor has said is more or less what I was expecting. Even though your ex hasn't worked to bring in an income, by staying at home to look after your daughter, it has allowed you to continue to work normally, so the courts will deem that she has contributed something towards the house (to be honest, in my opinion, they are correct in this point of view).

I would say that your starting point should be selling the house and then buying something smaller for her and also for you - I think that is perfectly reasonable, and of course, your house would have to be of sufficient size so that your daughter will be able to stay with you sometimes - so I would say 2 bedrooms, not a bedsit.

One thing I would suggest - if you make a fight of this for the sake of the principle, you could end up spending more on legal fees than you keep from the house. It's worth sometimes making a compromise, however unpalatable it may seem, to reduce legal fees, and in doing so, your ex may also be prepared to compromise to some extent.

Hi actd,

You find it reasonable for me to buy my ex a house? How many people do you know buy their ex a house when they seperate?

If i earnt 80 grand a year then yeah, no probs.

I earn less then half of that and we only have a three bed semi that we got cheap cos it was in a poor state of repair in the first place.

She chose to stay at home with the baby. She has not contributed to the house. I have been through everything with the solicitor.

This is such a frustrating time!

Hi Digger

I think that actd, could've right, although your ex hasn't given money to pay the bills she has stayed home and cared for your daughter, had she not have done so then you would have had child care costs.

I'm not sure that you would be looking at buying a house for her but the equity in your current house if sold would be split giving both yourself and your ex money for deposits on your own individual houses.

I agree with 100% though that you should choose your battles wisely or your solicitors fees will out way what your fighting for, you have said that your ex will get legal aid so there is no incentive for her to back down on anything she doesn't agree to.