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Hi my name is jamie and i am new to this site after going through testicule cancer and beating it i know find my self single and trying to bring up my daughther. My situation is quite unique well i think any way my ex lives in the house we bought togther and all though she tecnincally is the main carer I have our daughther three nights a week and she has her one night a week and her great grandparents have her the other night. However as she is down as the main carer she gets all the help under the sun and I have to pay her child maintance as well, which does not seem fair and I get no help what soever i moved back in with my parents but at 31 this is a situation that is not ideal but as i can afford to get a deposit together i am stuck, does anyboady know if I am entiled to any help towards bringing up my daughther such as help with rent or a deposist for a bond and any help towards buying furniture and such. Also does anybody have any experiance of going for custody as my daughther really does not want to live with her mother she cries every time i have to take her back, i want to go for full custody but am not sure I will get it and if i dont get I know my ex will stop me seeing my daughther all together.
Please please any help is needed as I have found myself turning to gambling to escape from this world and that is not helping anyone
Hi there welcome.
I would say you have a really strong case to go for custody, or even main carer where you will then be entitled to help with finances.
One of our members actd has a lot of personal experience with going for custody and I'm sure he will be able to offer some really good advice on how to go down this route.
With regards to the gambling, you have admired you have a problem, the next step is confronting itand getting some help, there will be support groups in your area to help, have a search on Google and try and get onto of it, think how it may impact on your daughters life if you aren't able to beat it.
Darren
Hi Jimbob and welcome
Where does your daughter stay when she is with you for the three nights? There's also two nights a week missing - weekends perhaps? If so, where does she stay for this?
The problem you have at the moment is that if you try to go for the child benefit, and to reduce maintenance, then your ex may decide to cut down your contact.
As Darren has said, you need to get on top of your gambling as this will turn into a downward spiral, and could realy jeopardise your relationship with your daughter in all sorts of ways.
hi thanks or replay i have my daughther on alternate weekends and yhis weekend should have been my exes but when she decides she wants to do something like this weekend she went to alton towers with her mates and she just leaves holly with me so it is clear that she only wants her when it suits her and will not change her plans and works around when she as hooly she just ploughs on and does what ever she wants
thanks darren for your replay i have today found out were the local gamblers meeting is and i will be attending this problem needs sorting out.
how do i go about becoming the main carer as i know my ex will never agree to this as she knows she will miss out on all the money as this is what it appers she is bothere dabout and not our daughther
Hi,
I think thats a really big step and at least you know you needed to make it, keep us posted as to how the meetings go.
As far as I know you will have to apply to the courts to be the main carer as you have said your ex won't just agree to it, She will probably put up a fight so be ready to be able to explain to the court every aspect of looking after your daughter, including child care, how she will get to and from school/nursery as I'm sure they will ask all of this.
do you have a solicitor at the moment?
Darren
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