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My name is Rick and i stumbled across this site whilst looking for some advice and some sence of what my chances are of being a father to my Daughter im not too sure how long a post should be nor even if I should post but I am really in need of some advice from like minded people.
so here goes.........
I have a daughter born 2006 whilst i was serving a prison sentance for theft when released I came out to a 4 month old baby and an ex partner. I then found out that my ex wanted to rekindle the relationship and i agreed. long story short but i got a job got us a house and did all to be a good dad. then 8 months later she cheated i had a breakdown and moved out but as i was homeless was in breach of licence and returned to prison for 3 more years in this time she moved home and now lives with a new partner.
I served my time and on the day of release put myself into a rehab to adress my substance issues that was two years ago and as i had spent 10m years in and out of prison i made a vow not to engage in trying to be in my daughters life untill i had proven that i am a changed man I completerd rehab then met my now partner whom i have lived as a family ( with her son whom i bring up as my son for the last 18 months I have stayed out of trouble for 2 years I have done all i can to change my life and recently made contact to see my daughter I have been polite offered to start with a phone call or letter basicly what ever she wants but she is just abusive .
If i get a solicitor will i have any chance of ever seeing her
I have no violence or social services or any child issues etc am drug free and can show 2 years of negative tests I have a loving family home pay my bills etc etc
pleasee help
Hi Rick 006
Welcome to the DadTalk site mate, glad you found us.
Sounds to me like you are doing a great job of turning your life around. Can't have been an easy journey for you, getting out of the drug scene takes guts and determination so well done for being clean for the last 2 years. Thanks to for you honesty. Just keep taking one day at a time.
It's a tough one re your ex and daughter. Are you named on your daughter’s birth certificate as the father? This has a huge impact on the situation.
I have flagged this thread up for our Legal Experts to pop over and have a butchers at. They will be able to give you some free advice.
The BIGGEST and most positive thing you can do is remain civil with your ex in all correspondence and keep a record of all phone calls (dates etc) letters, texts, social media comments etc etc. You need to appreciate to (and deal with how you might feel about this) that there is no quick fix here and things will take time and effort from you.
Do keep coming back to us and let us know what's going on. Use us as a sounding board, lots of dads on here will have some advise and ideas to feed in to your thoughts. You’re not alone 😀
Hi there
Welcome to Dadtalk - sounds like you need a break!!!
I think you need to ensure that you are serious about being a dad to your daughter, which clearly means you need to prove to your ex that you have changed. It will take time but discuss this with her, offer to take her and your daughter out to the park or cinema so she can "chaperone" you. Once she is comfortable with this arrangement then ask for days on your own but don't rush it.
Remember it is also in your daughters interest to have her dad around, especially one who wants to be around. However, your ex is probably thinking "how long before he lets us down?" and she wont want to allow her daughter to be exposed to that.
If you can avoid the solicitor as your past will be dragged through the process but if you can have some contact thats got to better than none!
Good luck and well done for changing so far - keep us posted
SM
Dear RICK006,
Thank you for enquiry. In order to re-establish contact with you daughter, you can use a solicitor or represent yourself.
There are two options usually available.
Negotiate with the mother:
The court will want to see that you have attempted to negotiate with the mother to some extent and mediation often provides a successful avenue. You can contact national family mediation on 0300 4000 636 for further information.
If negotiation break down or fail to achieve the desired outcome you can apply for a contact order for access to your daughter.
Apply for a contact order:
A contact order is where the court will decide what access and under what conditions you should have with your children. They will decide what is in the child’s best interest using the welfare checklist. This will create a legally binding order enforceable against the mother if awarded by the courts, and in most cases the courts facilitate contact unless there are exceptional reasons not to.
If you decide to represent yourself, you can download the C100 application form from the HMCS website. Additionally, he can download guidance notes called CB1 and CB3. There is a fee approximately around £200 - £250 for making the application which covers the proceedings.
You could also speak with Community Legal Advice on 0845 345 43 45 to ascertain whether you would be entitled to legal aid.
The court process will consist of a directions hearing where the judge will decide what steps are required and it will give an opportunity for the court to do fact finding.
This will be followed by the final hearing allowing the parties to put forward their proposals and objections. The whole process can take 6 to 12 months, however the court has discretion to make interim decisions to allow contact whilst the case proceeds.
The child’s welfare:
If the matter proceeded to court, then the court considers a question of the child's upbringing the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration.
The court will consider factors such as:
a) The child’s physical, emotional and / or educational needs;
b) The likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances;
c) His age, [censored], background and any characteristics of his, which the court considers relevant;
d) Any harm which he has suffered or is at risk of suffering;
e) How capable each of his parents and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting his needs;
f) The range of powers available to the court under the Children Act 1989 in the proceedings in question.
If you have any further question you can contact us on 0808 802 0008.
Kind Regards,
THE CHILDREN’S LEGAL CENTRE
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
