Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi
I currently pick my girls up from school at 3 pm on a Tuesday and and return them at 645pm, pick them up at 430 pm on a thurs and drop them back at 645pm, I then pick them up at 5pm on a Saturday eve and drop them back on the Sunday at 530pm.
Honest opinion, am I doing enough? Should I have them more whilst trying to hold a reasonably responsible job down?
I am being accused of being a deadbeat dad and doing the absolute minimum!
Sooooo frustrating!
You seem to be doing quite a lot, and you're certainly a long, long way from being a deadbeat dad. If you were doing much more (and with your ex sounding like she wants you to do everything), I be advising you to consider going for residency.
Hi there and welcome to Dadtalk
Are the hours you do your choice or your ex's?
Remember you need to work to provide for your children too and the hours you do are more than many separated dads.
Do you have the kids for holidays etc?
I would also ask what is the expectation of you?
Unfortunately I wouldn't be able to take them to school as I don't as I am living with my brother and his family at the moment and can only realistically have them overnight once a week.
I had to buy my ex a house out right after only 6 years of marriage she is 29 now and I am 45. I paid my mortgage off in November. (I'm not bragging I'm just putting some background info) I also pay maintenance which I do not mind paying and I pay for all school uniform and half of after school clubs. Her boyfriend will move in and they will both live mortgage free which is outrageous!
I will eventually have my kids during school holidays as I have had one half term already.
I know I am not a deadbeat Dad but she continues with this tak to get at me. She had two affairs by the way!
Sounds like your ex has a lot of issues to deal with - and blaming someone else is an good way to avoid having to deal with them, and I'm afraid you are the easiest target. You are actually paying more than you need to by the sound of it - the maintenance you pay covers everything, including school uniform and after school club, so you could use this as some leverage if it really comes down to it, and potentially you could reduce maintenance (assuming you are paying via CSA, or based on their calculator) by 1/7th if you have your girls more than 52 days a year, though with this last point, you need to be careful as if you push this, you might find that your ex reduced your contact to keep her child support payments as high as possible.
However, your best strategy at the moment may be to find a way to ignore her comments and make sure that your girls know that anythink adverse that she says about you is just her being bitter, and that they know you're committed to them.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
