[Solved] My (condensed) story

Hello, and glad already to be around kindred spirits and supportive folk. Anyway, my situation: I'm 27, from southwest England. Last June, I was engaged and living with my partner, and found out that she was pregnant; it was not planned, but I was very soon joyous at the prospect of being a father. We moved soon after a place big enough for a child, and the spare room got turned into a nursery. I went along to every appointment and scan she had, and in October discovered that we were having a boy, Josh.

Very soon after this, my ex started being more distant with me, hinted that she was not feeling the same way, and, well, she soon after ended things. I was not too sad about this, as I'd been getting fed up of things, but I wasn't aware as to how hard it was going to be, to be separated from the woman carrying/the mother of my child. Soon after we split, my ex came and took all of her and the unborn's things, and the spare bedroom looked so bare, all of a sudden. I would hear on 'Facebook', how she had gone for other tests and scans, and felt so leftout, even before he was born.

Around early December time, my ex told me how my son MIGHT be born a few weeks earlier than planned (early Jan, instead of late Jan). She announced, soon after, VIA FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE, that she was moving to a place some 25 miles away from me (great, for access, for someone without a car). Fast forward to early Jan, and I found out, VIA HER FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE AGAIN, that Josh, was due to be born in a few days' time, as opposed to in a few weeks; how she could broadcast it, and not think to tell me personally, I simply do not know.

She texted me two hours after he was born, to tell me; her friends, however, knew when she was going into labour, some 18 hours beforehand (great to see how high up the pecking order fathers are considered to be). I rang her, after she texted me, and she said that she was too tired to see me that afternoon, and that she had her family coming over that night, and so I could see him the next day. The next day came, and I got to see my son; but not without her mother and friend also being there, which made for a really nice, intimate first moment with my son (!).

Just after he was born, I discovered that she was living with her arsehole ex, who had texted her while he knew we were together, trying to get back with her; evidently, he now has his wish, with my kid thrown in, for free. I don't think I need to elaborate, as to why it feels awful, having another man live with YOUR kid. How she could leave me, the father of her kid, for a guy who had treated her so badly, so soon after our son's birth, I simply can't fathom; the world seems to have gone mad.

For the first two months after he was born, I had to make do with traveling 15 miles, by bus, once a week AFTER WORK, to see my son, at her mum's house. My relationship with my son did not extend beyond sitting in her mum's, with her whole family around with the TV on loud, cradling him for an hour or so, doing my utmost to make it quality time with him.

Luckily, around a month ago, after I calmly explained to her how much I felt I was missing out, she suggested seeing my son on Saturdays, with just her. This happened a few times, as well as seeing him two consecutive days for a few hours with my parents, and was lovely, even if still not 100% an ideal situation. She has declined me seeing him on my own, and even my parents and I having him alone (even though my mum has childcare experience, as well as having had two kids).

This week, she texted me, asking if I could this week see him on an evening instead, and when I asked why not the weekend, she gave only a vague answer. She had previously hinted that her new partner got jealous, of her seeing me, and he had also phoned her whilst she was with me, leading to her saying she had to leave, so I replied to her, saying I was worried that it was her partner, who might be getting in the way of me seeing him. She claimed it wasn't, and said that she was going out of her way to let me see him, and that it might not be possible for me to see him, some weekends.

So, after finally getting weekend access, she, after just a month, already seems to be threatening to break it. She actually said that if I wasn't happy, that we could take it to a Solicitor's; which worries me, being as she would surely not suggest such a thing, unless she felt certain she'd come off better than she is now.

As regards child support, we came to an agreement of 20 pounds a week, which is a little less than the CSA would charge me, but seeing as she left me with utility bills that were partly hers, and the access problems I'm having, I have felt justified in paying this. I have paid her cash-in-hand, which I have chosen to do in order to give her the incentive to let me see him, but am now thinking that I should make it auditable, by paying the money into her account, as she today texted, saying how I should buy him some duvets etc, as I have not yet bought him anything. I replied, saying I would buy him things, if I get proper access, and pointed out the amount of debt she'd left me in.

Anyway, yeah, that's the lowdown on me. I am utterly amazed, as to the power society affords mothers, over fathers; how anyone can claim it's a man's world, I simply do not know. I am left unsure as to what I should do. I worry that she may try to claim more money off me through the CSA, and do not know as what the likely outcome of a court appearance would be, as regards access. Surely it's not unreasonable to expect weekend access, of a day, or half a day, as opposed to the two-hours-on-a-weekend-if-I'm-lucky-if-not-an-hour-after-work-a-week.

Part of me wants to spill my heart out to her, and to tell her how much it hurts me, not being able to be a proper part of my son's life, and feeling like I'm already missing out on so much, after three months; but I guess a bigger part of me realises that I have to bite my tongue, lest I offend her, and give myself greater access issues.

I look forward to conversing with people in similar a situation.