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Hi, thanks for reading this. I split from my ex of 14 years last year, it was her decision before I knew it we were selling house and we were over, I tried to put our family back together but she didn't want to know. The issue I have is she says my daughter needs her dad in her life but most weekends she changes plans so I don't get to see my daughter. I have been really civil for my daughters sake as she is 10 and I don't want her to suffer during this. My ex is manipulating my daughter so badly, they are close, so with us splitting up, my ex is clinging to my daughter and pulling her further away from me. Last weekend we had arranged I was going to pick her up at 11 and have her for the day and we were going out for dinner etc with my family. Ex text me an hour before to say I couldn't get her till 12.30, my daught then text me to ask what time I'd be taking her home as she had to go to BBQ with mum?! I called ex and asked her not to arrange things on days I have her, this is the first time I have spoken up, as I was in tears and my family encouraged me to speak up, she kicked off at me saying thank god she was no longer with me etc etc!!, she was really nasty, all i want is consistent regular access. To thro spanner in works, I lost my job 2 years ago, still getting work every now and then but not regularly and the money I earn I need for when I have my daughter. It is my daughters birthday and ex and daughter have asked me for present costing £400-£500!!! I'm so stressed as not only can I not provide money for my daughter at the moment, there expectations are ludicrous. I have provided all these years for my family, and not my ex throws it in my face about me not paying for her now. I am working on a new business/ partner business to help my financial situation out, but all my ex keeps saying is she has payed for everything for 2 years. I advised her I paid for everything the whole 12 years prior, but she informs me but that is n the past!!! How do I stand with legal aid to obtain regular access to my daughter. I have no say at the moment and have to tip toe around my ex to see daughter. I'm just trying to see my daughter and move on with my life. She keeps making threats about money etc so i need to know what to do as I can't afford solicitors etc, please help, many thanks
Hi There,
This is a tough situation as your daughter is starting to find her feet and express her views (even if those views are actually her mums) Not being able to provide for your daughter financialy doesn't mean you loose your right to see her.
I was the same as you for a long time I didn't speak up and allowed my ex to call all the shots, 12 montjs ago I did speak up and she refused me access, I went to court and 2 weeks ago managed to get a contact order in place for good quality contact. This cost me around £300 in total as I represented myself in court, This sounds daunting but really isn't as bad as it seems (though it is stressful and I did suffer for it, it was worth it)
As I have said to others I would send a letter recorded delivery to your ex asking her to atten mediation (as your out of work you "should" get legal aid to help with the cost) within the letter make sure you tell your ex that although court would be the last resort, you are prepaired to go to court so that you and your daughter are able to have a relationship. Don't use court as a threat, but simply express that this is something you are prepaired to do if needed, however you would prefer to discuss and come to an arrangement outside of court using a mediator and then have this agreement written up into a formal agreement by a solicitor.
Keep ALL corrospondence between the 2 of you as it may be needed in the future.
Hope this helps
Darren
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