[Solved] Neebie going through a bit of a tough time 🙁

Welcome along,

Feel free to ask any question you have and we will try and answer them as best we can.

GTTS

Hi Lloyd,

Welcome to DAD. Sorry to hear that you are having issues with the mothers of your children.

If you want some child law questions answered then pop over to the Legal Eagle board.

How about you tell us a little more about yourself. How many chidren you got? What ages ?

Looking forward to chatting.

Gooner

Hi Lloyd and welcome.

You've come to the right place for advice and support.

Hi Gooner,

I have 2 daughters - eldest is 13 and the youngest is 6. Both with different mothers.

I began experiencing issues with my eldest around 2 years ago. At the time I was engaged to my youngest daughters mother and their was an element of jealousy. She contacted the CSA behind my back despite me paying her a decent amount of maintance out of spite. It turned out she would actually be worse off but she went ahead regardless.

I was really annoyed that I was contacted by the CSA without any warning and stupidly had a Facebook rant to which she took exception too and told my daughter!!! I accept that this was not the best thing to do but ever since my eldest has sided with her mother and hasn't bothered with me since.

I contacted my daughter a few times but got one word answers and she didn't seem to want to meet up so I decided to give her time and space but since then, I have learnt her mother has met someone else and they have moved to Kent without saying a word.

I have had someone legal advise and the general impression I got was teenage kids are difficult to force into having contact with a parent if they are not 100% willing.

My youngest is probably going to be easier to focus on so I will going down the court route. There is no logical reason I am being denied access other than the relationship ended on a sour note and now my daughter is being used to try and get back at me.

I spent the August bank holiday with my youngest but have not seen her since and I have decided to take a step back as I am being goaded into saying and doing things that would make the situation worse.

I'm not quite sure why things have ended up the way it has but I need to figure out a way forward.

Hi

Instead of taking a step back, I'd try to find ways forward, otherwise it will get harder and harder to make contact - perhaps write letters to them - keep copies as well, so that if the letters aren't passed on, in years to come, you can read through them with your daughters if you re-establish contact. Focus on the positives, and don't comment about your ex.

As you have learnt, keep off facebook - it causes so many problem, or at the very least, make sure it is locked down very tight and that only friends you trust can see your posts (but, really, just keep off it if you want to rant).

The CSA are a fact of life - if you're better off, then you have the last laugh as you don't have to pay anything at all beyond their assessment.

Instead of taking a step back, I'd try to find ways forward, otherwise it will get harder and harder to make contact - perhaps write letters to them - keep copies as well, so that if the letters aren't passed on, in years to come, you can read through them with your daughters if you re-establish contact. Focus on the positives, and don't comment about your ex.

This is excellent advice from actd - don't give up on your eldest daughter, keep routes of communication open. Let her know that you are always there for her.

Gooner.

Thanks for all the advise guys.

Funnily enough I did send my eldest a message on Facebook on Friday before logging back on here so looks like great minds think alike.

😀

The problem I have with my eldest is its history repeating itself as her mum when through EXACTLY the same thing with her parents and now she is doing the same thing to me as her mum did to her dad if that makes sense?

The hardest thing to my head round is that fact we discussed the issues she went through as a child in 2000/2001 and its hard to believe she is putting me through all this 🙁

I think that in some cases there are underlying issues which cases women to act out against good fathers but the only people to suffer the biggest losses are the children involved.

I have kept personal things such as letters, drawings, birthday cards ect that my daughter used to give me along with pictures so maybe later down the line we can go through them and I can explain my version of events.

Hi Thanks for updating us.
So what steps are you taking to see your youngest Daughter ?
I feel the eldest is of an age that she can decide but you are her Father and will have parental responsibility and you are still entitled by law to have a say in her education and are entitled to know what school and doctors she attends

I have initiated mediation so these are my first steps. I did go a bit gung-ho initially and try to issue court proceedings but I have decided to give mediation a try first.

The problem I have with my youngest child is her mother is very childish for her age (27) - I've just turned 33 and the age gap is really beginning to tell. I her family's eyes she can do no wrong and she has their full backing it seems and will be able to throw a lot of money playing silly buggers if it did go to court.

Her father is wealthy and will pay for her solicitor if it does end up in court.

I'm not overly concerned about going to court because what I am asking for is not unreasonable in the slightest and there is nothing to say I am a bad father and I am not able to look after my child. I am very confident that by going to court I will end up gaining access and the leverage my daughters mother has over me will become less.

I'm being stretched to bursting point at the moment so I have to pick and choose my battles carefully.

If mediation doesn't go according to plan then I'll have to work out realistically how much money I can afford to throw at this but the firm I am using for mediation seem very helpful so I will have a clearer indication in the next few days and I will update in due course!

Lloyd