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Hi All,
My story: We have been together for 10 years but married for the last three, we had a son in 2002 and a daughter in 2005, we decided to get married ( i even changed my name to hers because the kids had her name) after I had a road traffic accident in which I lost my leg (the cynical side of my half believes she was after securing some money from me in a divorce, I never pursued the compensation claim). Despite my disablity (however i dont see it as that) I continue to as I have always done do most of the child care, taking them to school in the mornings and collecting them in the evenings from after school club, after our daughter she decided that she was only returning part time to work and most of these hours are over the week ends (works two weekends outta four), I shower and dress, get the kids ready for school every day (unless I have the occasional early job to do) whilist she usually lays in til 10am, the weekends she works I look after the kids, take them shopping, hair cuts etc, the days in the school holidays when I am working she books them into a holiday club which I normally drop them off to, tbh the last two years havent been great, mostly since she found facebook and contacting a few old flames, she arranges reunions and the such where "its not appropriate for partners to go" It now at the stage where we dont love each other any more and have decided to move on, It pains me as I always decided to wait for the right gal for kids and had our son when we both were 33, enough time !to make all the silly mistakes you'd think, I never thought I'd find myself here Well I find myself becoming aware of the fact she is considering moving 400 miles north back home to scotland, (we have always lived in the same area since meeting and she has lived in England for 22 years), she has previously been married and her ex took out an order to prevent her from moving back after they split, she moved 250 miles south to Devon instead!! Whilist I want her to have as much of a part in our childrens lives as me the very fact she is considering this spitful act makes me want to go all out, obtain a prevention order and go for custody. I have also found out that since we have been together she has ammassed a tidy nest egg during the times I covered all the house hold bills, whilist I worked hard to meet all the commitments. This morning despite my protests not to she launched into a triade, threaten me with an iron and jostled me on the stairs in front of the children.
🙁 (
Hi there
Firstly welcome to DadTalk. I'm sorry to hear about this situation and I can imagine how difficult it must be for you, especially like you say you never thought something like this would happen to you. I will pass this over to our legal partners the Children's Legal Centre for their advice in view of your thoughts about going for custody and obtaining a prevention order. This could take a few days.
I hope for the sake of your kids, both you and your wife can sort this out. At the end of the day your kids need contact with you as much as they do with their mum. I am concerned though that she is starting to take things out on you physically. There's never an excuse for violence and to do this in front of the kids is totally inappropriate.
I'm sure other Dadtalkers who have been in your situation will share their experiences with you and offer you some support.
In the meantime I suggest you get in touch with Families Need Fathers who you can call on 0300 0300 363 or log on to their website http://www.fnf.org.uk They will understand the issues here and offer you support and advice.
I hope this helps.
Many thanks for your reply and I will be contacting FNF shortly.
I am amazed at exactly how things and events can be turned around to be used against you, her little triade on the stairs, was described to someone else as a fight in which in the end I had her by the throat!!!! I cant believe the rubbish she has told people, I was using my arm across her chest to prevent her from hitting me!! ( I am quite a bit bigger phsyically some the punches wouldnt have had much effect anyway but thats not the point).
I have been asked to look for somewhere else to live and had planned to be out saturday doing so, she didnt get up til 1.30pm! then left at 6pm last night for another reunion, still we walked to the play park and I cooked them some dinner and sat in for a cosy night watching tele then fell asleep putting them to bed. Ahhhhhh!
Dear Mytwodarlings,
We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
As you are married, both you and the mother have parental responsibility for your children. This means that until a court puts something in place regarding residence of the children, that you both have the same rights to have them with you.
You should be aware that this can be difficult, as one parent may take the children, the other parent can then take them back and this often ends up in a ‘tug of war’ type situation, which would clearly not be in the best interests of your children.
Although matters regarding the children can be decided in a divorce, these are not legally enforceable.
Either parent is able to apply for court orders regarding the children at any time, and if it was custody you wanted then you would be able to apply for a residence order.
This is an order that names the person the children are to live with; it is legally binding and means that no individual can remove the children from that person without their consent, or another court order.
The court would hear all the circumstances and would make a decision as to who the children will live with based on what they believe to be in their best interests.
The parent that the children live with, is able to move anywhere within the UK that they wish, without the other parents consent, and so the mother would be able to move back to Scotland and take the children if they were living with her without gaining consent from you.
You are able to attempt to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her from removing the children from the area, but again it will be for the court to decide upon this based on what is thought best for your children.
In court you are able to bring up any concerns that you have regarding the mother’s care of the children, or threatening behaviour and this will be considered.
You are also able to contact the police regarding this behaviour if you wish to do so. The social services may also be contacted as this incident took place in front of your children.
With regards to contact with the children, until a contact order is in place for a non resident parent to have contact with them, then it is for whoever is the resident parent to make all decisions regarding contact, as your children are not of an age to decide for themselves and contact is the right of the child, not the parent.
Issues regarding financial matters and the family home would be dealt with during your divorce, and all property (including money) that was acquired during the marriage should be considered, and the court can decide what other property to look at. We can not give any real advice on this issue.
We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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