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Hi Everyone, I am new to the forum, and i guess like many am here becasue I am going through a tough time and I figured I may be able to get some advice or at least reassurance.
I have 2 children from 2 relationships. With the second one, we are trying again, but still living seperately, so I am paying maintainence, as i was when we were seperate.
My problems are all with the earlier relationship. We have a 4 year old, and seperated when she was 9 months old. I have overpaid maintainence by a direct agreement every week since. My little girl came to me a lot, almost every weekend and at least one other night a week. It was always when suited her mother, but that was ok by me, it was access.
Now she has moved away with her, very much against my wishes, and as I live on an island it is very difficult to go and see her, 14hrs each way on a boat, or flights costing hundreds of pounds.
I was down last week with my little boy, his sister and their mum, and my ex would not let me see my daughter with them there. I didn't bow to her demands and leave them, and now she wont even let me speak to my daughter. I am finding it very hard and feeling incredibly low. My little girl and me were very close and I am struggling to compe with her being away, let alone not getting to speak to her.
She has also started asking for more money, so i looked in to it as they live away, but the csa still said its less than I am paying. She threw a tantrum again, despite my saying I dont plan to reduce it to the csa ammout, but am still not getting to speak to my daughter.
She is very volotile, and always has been, and has long made my life a misery. I am too soft and just get walked all over because I want to be there for my little girl at any cost. I dont think being away is good for my little girl, as all of both sides of her family are here, and her mothers selfishness is a problem for being an only adult role model.
Anyway, I am lost and I dont know where to turn. I just want to maintain the relationship with my little girl. I am on the birth certificate, so have PR but so far have never been given any say in anything
Hi there
Welcome to Dadtalk
Sorry to hear about your situation - I am not sure if you have said previously but have you got a solicitor? It sounds like you may need one
The Children's Legal Centre could also help you if you don't have one
Good luck
Hi and welcome to the forum.
I would suggest that you look at mediation to see if there is any way you can come to a mediated area arrangement as a first step, but if not then you could look at a contact order. Unless there is a good reason otherwise, the once you have contact, your ex cannot determine who you see when it's your time for contact, and in fact a court would want to encourage contact with half brothers and sisters.
Do you and your ex live in Scotland?
Thanks guys.
I do not have a solicitor that does any family stuff. There are none on the island, so i would have to look to one on the mainland.
We do both live in Scotland yes.
I will look at the mediation stuff, but the problem with anything like that is that the next time she throws a tantrum she will just ignore it anyway.
I am finding it really hard, becasue i know my daughter will be wondering why I have not called her 🙁
If you are able to gain an agreement in mediation then you can have it made into a legal bound contract.
Unfortunately as you are in scotland your laws are a little different to ours so the legal team on here can't comment.
I would try mediation first and see where it goes as it will hopefully give you an idea of whether you will need court or not.
Good luck and keep us posted, although the law is different we are able to offer support and opinions.
Darren
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