[Solved] New boy

Hi J-dog,

welcome to the forum, we are mainly blokes but there are some very friendly bloke-es's here too, we will all try and assist you through this as best we can.

Tell us a little more about your situation, maybe we can give you some early tips to stop it becoming a battle and make things a little easier to handle.

GTTS

Hi J-dog, tell us a bit about yourself and your situation, please dont use names or are just in case ! How old are your children, how long have you been split up

Hi j-dog and welcome!

Hope we can help.

Hi

I divorced my psychotic wife 7years ago when I was still in the army. We have 3kids, one girl from her first relationship and 2kids from our marriage. The eldest is 20, my daughter is 17and my son 11.
When I left the service I moved to London with my girlfriend which is 2hrs away from where they live.
I saw them for as many weekend as my shifts would allow and took them on holidays with my missus.
In 2010 I started contracting overseas coming home every 4 months for 2 weeks and again taking them on holiday every year. In June of this year I came home for good and now have weekends free. I've seen my son 3 times since then. Last week, I asked to see the kids again for a weekend soon. She said no and that I wouldn't be seeing them again as I had effectively abandoned them and that they didn't want to see me any more. I've always had a loving relationship with them. She stopped me from going to his 11th birthday, saying that I'd missed the last 2 so why should I be bothered now (was overseas apt the time)
As of a couple of weeks ago, he kids stopped responding on their phones, PMs, FaceTime and now no one picks upw the house phone when I call as they have caller id. She (the ex) is highly vengeful, manipulative and lives to see me suffer...that was before she got married again this year (she actually invited me and the missus for some reason, no we didn't go) but no seems to have stepped up her nastiness. She has either told them not to answer when I ring and/or poisoned their minds that I'm not bothered to be their father anymore or some such [censored].
I've done nothing wrong other than leave her and an abusive relationship.
I don't know what my rights are withregard to visitation and taking them away for a weekend.
I do know about the school rights (I contacted them on Friday and asked for everything that the mother gets - reports, school photos, newsletters, that sort of thing) and was told that they've done this for other families. So I don't think that's going to be an issue, apart from when she finds out of course "bit late to start being a father now" will be the opening line I'm guessing.
Guys, I don't have thousands to spend on solicitors but probably could afford some legal assistance.
What I do need from those of you who are in the know, is a plan or some first steps in getting visitation rights and anything else I can.
I'm absolutely in the dark here having had conflicting advice - solicitor/no solicitor, but am all ears for your experiences.
The prospect of not having them be part of my life and vice versa absolutely horrifies me.
Thanks for hearing me out.

Hi there and welcome,

As you were married you will have parental responsibility for the younger two children, the older child you would not have PR for unless you had applied for it when you were still with the mother.

The first step would be to try to reach agreement through mediation. It would be advisable to go for a mediator near to where your ex lives as travelling to your locality could give her the excuse to refuse because of child care arrangements. Here is a link to the mediation service

www.nfm.org.uk

Legal Aid is still available for mediation and to check if you might be eligible follow this link

www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid

As two of your children are over the age of 16 it won't be possible to go for a contact order for them if mediation fails or is refused. However mediation is child inclusive so perhaps when you talk to the mediator you could mention that it might be a good idea to have the children involved in the process if possible.

You might also like to think about Relate, they offer family inclusive counselling and support for families that have broken down.

www.relate.org.uk

Whether to go for legal representation or go it alone is your call, what I will say is that there are many Dads here that have self represented and it is doable. If you chose to go down this route you will find lots of support and advice here. If you take a look at the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section you will find loads of useful information about the self repping process and what forms you would need to submit to court to apply for contact.

Best of luck

Thank you for that, nannyjane
We're a little bit past Relate, she wouldn't go anyway.
I will go for the mediation service though, I'll also go for the self rep route as well when it inevitably comes to that.
Thanks again 8)