[Solved] New member looking for advice

Hi and welcome!

I'm new to this forum too and from what I can see, the information and advice given here is impartial and non-judgemental...if you're a Dad and you've got a problem, or just need some support, then there are people here that can help.

Yep, NJ is quite correct. 🙂

Hi There,

We understand that sometimes leaving is the only option.

Your welcome along

Darren

Hi there and welcome

We welcome all dads (and from some of the posts the occasional mum, and gran!) and I think we would never judge you - we may say things you disagree with but that is what advice is - for you to decide if it suits you.

Just because you left your wife doesn't mean you are automatically a bad father and there are many people who will also have gone through similar stuff.

Thanks for all replies sorry been working away and no time to access internet. Everything ok at the minute and I see my daughter regularly and civil with her mum (were not married).

Expect a post if things get worse or the difficulties start.

Hi, so the festive period is coming to an end and everything has been relatively calm. I saw my daughter for 3 hours Xmas Day and opened some presents from my Mum and Dad for her. I then had her over at a family party for 3 hours on the following Saturday which was lovely for her spending time with her cousins.
Things are still frosty between myself and her mum, I expect to get texts saying that I'm a w****r and best thing would be for me to be dead, better off without me, yeah shes still angry but she doesn't love me anymore and I don't love her back. Our daughter was conceived out of a one off in the midst of a 5 month separation in 2011, it just happened and them we tried to make a go but it didn't work out.
I feel that we were never serious enough for each other, yes we had a good first 3-4 years but the remaining 7 years we have never gone 6 months since without a blazing row and splitting up for 2-3 weeks before repeating over again. In 11 years the most we have ever lived together was 2 months after daughter was born, I rented my house out to move in to hers but I'm now back in mine. There has been a couple of brief flings (last 4 years ago) on both sides and they born out most of the arguments still and trust issues and the fact we have totally separate interests now. I have turned into the most selfish person of late, arguing with family and shutting my self in to work because of this relationship, I never thought I would have become this person 11 years ago and long for an open honest and loving relationship in the future with the possibly of having a further child should the right woman come into my life a few years down the line.

Sorry for the rant, Apart from my Mum and Dad, I don't have anyone to talk to now (I have a few friends that are loved up and married and happy but they don't understand). I walked out I know and I have to deal with her meeting some one else and fathering my child but I cant do this anymore, is that bad to say. But boy do I adore my daughter so really makes me smile.

Other things are that I'm trying my best to help financially, we have a private agreement where I pay 25% of my net wage and also put £20 in daughters ISA every month plus help with milk/nappies. And I do text every day to ask if hes ok but limit the visits to set days to avoid getting up her back if I ask for extra.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

Hi rant away if it helps. Are you on your Daughters birth certificate ? You are paying over the csa limit but if you can afford its nice of you to do so. But i would advise you to do it by standing order and make sure the payment states what its for.
Dont beat your self up about walking out , sounds like you both have tried and its time now to just concentrate on your Daughter.

I agree with ak's comments above - you are paying way over the CSA level, so make sure that it is clearly stated on the transfer that it's for maintenance, though your ex would be stupid to go through the CSA as she'd suddenly find herself with a lot less money.

I would consider mediation if you want to try to get more contact, sounds like you are being an excellent dad 🙂