[Solved] new member saying hello 🙂

Hi misterdee,

Welcome to DadTalk mate. I will ask the Childrens Legal Centre to pop by and give you some advice.

but heres my advice for what its worth.

Child maintenance is an amount of money paid over to the resident parent. You really have no say as to how the money is spent. A good calculator can be found here on the Child Maintenance Options website. To be honest for some great impartial advice regarding maintenance you should either check out the CMO website here or give them a call :

Call Child Maintenance Options in confidence on freephone*

* Calls to 0800 numbers are free from BT landlines but you may have to pay if you use another phone company, a mobile phone, or if you are calling from abroad.

As for contact with your children, I'm really sorry to hear that this is not going on at the moment. You must be finding it really hard. I would firstly try to repair your relationship with your ex before going down the legal route. If you feel that the two of you can't come to some agreement on your own, You should try mediation (a judge would have expected you try this first anyway).

Family mediation is often a positive step which is useful in situations where two parents cannot reach an agreement. You will both sit down and try to come to an agreement regarding contact arrangements with an independent third party present to assist negotiations. It is important to note that an agreement made in mediation is not legally binding however it demonstrates clear intent of both parties. You should contact National Family Mediation ( http://www.nfm.org.uk ) on 01392 271610 for further information.

Have you checked out our article in the Families and Relationship section of the site called Hating the ex. Well worth a read.

I'm sure other DadTalkers will be more than happy to give you some advice as well. Check back for the CLC advice and keep us in the loop mate.

Gooner

Hi Misterdee,

I don't have much experience in this area but from what you say, that must be really tough to go through. Please keep us updated. There's lots of guys on the site who know what you're going through so maybe they have some good ideas too.

Daddyto4

Dear Neil,

Firstly, the right of contact between a child and their parent is separate from maintenance payments. In other words, a parent cannot stop the access of another on the basis of non-payment of maintenance.

If your problems with securing contact between you and your children persist it may be necessary to apply to court for a contact order which would be legally binding upon your former partner and provide a regime for your contact. We would advise that you propose mediation initially before applying to court for an order. It may be worthwhile contacting National Family Mediation who have mediation centres through the country and they may be able to approach your former partner and invite her to mediation. The telephone number for National Family Mediation is: 01392 271610.

You have a legal duty to provide financial maintenance for the children and if you do not make sufficient payments you could put yourself into arrears. If you have any queries relating to maintenance payments it would be advisable to contact the Child Support Agency, their telephone: 08457 133 133.

If you have any further queries please do contact us on: 0808 802 0008.

Yours sincerely,

The Children’s Legal Centre

hi every1

sorry took long to get back its been a bit of a rollercoaster to say the least. Thanks for all your advice and input its very much apreciated 🙂 i went a week without contact from either my ex or my children then decided i had to see my children so the only way that was going to happen was if handed over cash to the mother,now dont get me wrong i would give my last penny for my children in a heartbeat but the way its turning out and looking all the more likely that the money ain for the kids its for her pocket...she seems to rekon that i have to pay 'her' for the right to see my kids even tho i contibute equally on everything they need from the toothfairy to clothes on there back. i only wish that i could be a full time dad to them n tuck them in every night like i used to,i so miss giving my girls a goodnight story and a kiss n cuddle before they go to bed. it hurts like [censored] every night when i know its their bed time and im not there.

but anyway not to get to morbid and sad thats just one of the many things we all have to learn to deal with and try and accept ,its got to be the hardest thing ive had to endure as an adult.

So as it goes im sitting here and both my girls are with me BLISS 🙂 ):) u cant put a price on that can you ??. So as it goes ive gave in and told the ex i will go back to giving her cash and also want to be contributing as always to everything that they need,i couldnt sleep at night if i didnt ......but in the mean time i will be obviously 'hopefully' getting the proper advice from all you guys on here which is a reall bonus to have the oportunity to be on this site and get involved with other dads like me and to hopefully help if i can ,as you guys have tryd to give help out to me 🙂 )

thanks ever1
hope to chat soon
peace 🙂

Hi Misterdee,

Good to hear from you again. Glad you get to spend some time with your girls. Although I feel you're being hard done by, many dads don't get to see there kids, no matter how much money they're willing to give!

I can't help but think though that your ex is basically bribing you and holding your kids to ransom and she shouldn't be able to get away with it. As someone with a police background, I suggest you start logging all the money you give to her and noting down what she says and when. This should help you when it comes to speaking with solicitors as you try and get this sorted the correct way (if you plan to of course).

Its easy for me to give advice but I'm not in that situation. It sounds like you need to tread carefully or she could just flip and stop you seeing the kids.

Good luck mate!