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I have had my son every weekend, bank holidays and any other holiday since he was about 1, he is now coming up to four, my ex is now trying to deny me access that was always agreed due to the fact that I do not have to pay as much money to her via the CSA due to the amount of days he spends with me, we have never had a legal arrangement drawn up with this and this has always in the past suited us both, I have even had my son if my ex wanted to go out on days when I dont normally have him. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, if I dont give in to her money demands I dont get to see my son, but if I do give in I will be allowed once again to spend as much time with him as I want. I dont have a problem paying for my son which I always have and paid the correct amount due to the time spent with me. I also have purchased nursery uniform, paid nursery fees(until it was free) and paid for any other things he may need at his mums in addition to paying her a monthly sum. My ex lives with her partner and neither of them work and she also has another child whom she does not receive maintainance for, as I work I am being expected to pick up the tab for them even though my son spends(or did spend) half the week with me, I am not sure how to address this and would gratefully appreciate some help
Hi there and welcome to Dad.info
You are not alone and there will be many dads on here that can tell you their experiences
I think you need to speak to a solicitor but it may be worth contacting the Children's Legal Centre first - their details can be found on the website
Good Luck
Hi everybody. I found this site last week & have found it very interesting and informitive. you have helped me realise that I am not the only person in the world living at the hopeless mercy of a cruel & ruthless ex-partner. Thank you all for bringing me a back from the brink of despair and giving me the faintest glimmer of hope.
HI Bryonner and welcome - feel free to post if there's any help or advice you need.
Hi Mark
Your first option is to look at mediation to see if there is any mediated way forward on this. I have to admit that although the CSA calculation is a good idea in terms of getting the bulk of cases processed quickly, you have come up againsy the problem in that it is financially advantageous for the parent with care to restrict overnight access, which I am sure was never thought of as being a consequence of the legislation. Maintenance, however, does cover everything that your ex should provide for your son, so you are not bound to pay anything beyond maintenance and you do seem to be paying for quite a few extras on top of maintenance. This does mean that you have some room for negotiation - much as I hate the idea of this, I'm not sure that you have been left with a lot of choice.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
