[Solved] New to the Block

Hi Dag,

Welcome to Dadtalk, feel free to ask any questions, there's lots of experience here to tap into.

Tell a little ,more about yourself

Darren

Hi there

Welcome to the forum - it is for you to use as much as you like

Ask any question, join in the threads if you just want to escape.

There are some experts on here and lots of dads - some have experienced what you are going through ans you may be able to share with others to help them.

morning and thankyou for the warm welcome.

Ok i have a little time to spare so here is a little back ground as to my history. Here goes!!!!

I was with my ex-wife for 17yrs married for 9 of those yearsl. We have a daughter who was born in 2000.
We separated in autumn of 2006 after she rang me at work and told me she was at the solicitors starting divorce proceedings.
Yes we were having problems but i wrongly thought they could be worked through together.

Heres the gist of my exs problem, she wanted another baby even though it went against medical and family history relating to the health of having children on her side of the family. Yes we took a risk and had our daughter who was born healthy but i had never considered having anymore children and we had spoke about this on many occasions too before and after our daughters birth and both agreed we were happy with just having our healthy beautiful daughter.
Three years on my ex had changed her mind but i hadnt (even though i understood and respected how she felt my feeligs remained unchanged), the subject often arose over the next couple of years resulting in periods of unrest this I was told these periods could be averted if I chose to change my mind and have another baby. After many threats about all sorts of things regarding our relationship, i was told to take care of contreception. Take the risk if you dare i was told (this threat related at times to either falling pregnant by deliberate means or threatening to have an abortion if she did as why would she want a baby with somone who didnt want anymore children, which threat depended what the atmosphere at home was like at the time.) or get the snip basically.
So after several months of consideration and consultation i did have the proceedure done.
After that the s#@t hit the fan and the situation intensified it was now about having it reversed as she was only pushing me and really wanted just to have part of me!!??? (regardless of the health risks to a chid).
The problem never went away but during the quiet times when allowed (restbite) normal family life continued.
Yes it was hard, but my parents divorced when i was young and i didnt want the same for our daughter.

So she went for a divorce and basically the [censored] that followed is unbelievable.
You name it I was accused of it the only thing I didnt get accused of was child abuse.
It took a battle of about 15 months to sort the contact out through the courts and cafcas for my daughter and my ex still made and cotinues to make issues and obstruct contact.
The divorce took over four years to finalize (contested divorce, financial,contact) and was turned in to a battle at every step by her never wanting to be reasonable about anything and making everthing an issue.
Its cost me lost time with my daughter, financial loss (20K in solicitor fees and court costs alone, not including the settlement, property etc), personal harrasment and that of my family,friends including my new partner. Not forgeting the emotional turmoil of it all the list goes on as many of you well know.

But saying that my daughter and i have a fantastic relationship i couldnt wish for a better friend and daughter, im so proud of how she has dealt with everthing despite the upheavel.
And my partner her family are also everthing to me, and her support through out our time has been unmovable.
But unfortunatley the situation regarding contact is still an issue thats why i might need a bit of advice.

Phew and that is the Really Short Version of it.( reading it back now i wonder what all the fuss was about)
Ps i have never lost my sense of humour through out, its kept me sane at times and probably overted a nervous breakdown.

Hi DAG and welcome

I can empathise with what you have been through - I went through a divorce and child custody proceedings separately and my ex made it [censored], and unfortunately my total court costs were about double yours. Having said that, if I'd known ahead what I was up against, and what it would cost, I would still have gone ahead because the end result wo definitely worth it, and it sounds as if you have come to that result as well. I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.

Yep i would fight just as hard again regarless of cost, what mattered to me most of all was my daughter.
Secondly i wasnt going to be accused of the things that were untrue and just lie back and take it.
I believe yes there will always be two differing views in the breakdown of a relationship but at least stick to the truth when putting your views across.
That it seems is what is lacking.
Yes it could have cost me more financially but toward the end of it i started to represent my self as harrowing as it was this cut the cost down abit. And Im pleased to say i didnt have to pay any of the costs of my ex (Legal Aided), every judgement along the way saw fit to at least apportion our own costs to be dealt with ourselves.
Thanks again.

Dag,

Welcome to DadTalk. What a battle you have gone through mate - can't believe you have managed to stay so positive.

Loved the sentiment

i have one daughter aged 11 who makes me feel so proud to be a dad and makes every day worth while.

Really looking forward to reading more of you're posts mate.

Gooner.