[Solved] New to this and in desperate need of advise....

Hi & welcome to DadTalk,

I take it your the partner/wife of the Dad? Has he asked his ex for Mediation or supervised access? Are there any reason why he has not been allowed to see his child? Are you still getting advice from your solicitor? You may find it helpful to get in touch with the Children's Legal Centre, there is a link to their site at the bottom of the page or we could ask one of them to give you some advice on here. Hope this helps!

I agree that mediation seems a sensible step however I wonder if Gavin's ex will entertain the idea.

Is there a reason why she won't allow him to see his child?

Hi,

We are on this together Gavin and I, but yes i am his partner. Yes in feb last year we discussed mediation, her response was 'if its going to cost you money then i will do it however the outcome will be court' From what gavin has said and from what she has said no....She is only 20 years ld....he is 30...?! they were together for 3 months when she got pregnant, she then decided she didn't want to be with him anymore....as they were not getting along....we did see a solicitor but it cost us a lot of money and even she said ' this could go to court but from the sounds of it she doesnt' want you to have access and can take it away from you at anytime and just receive a slap on the wrist from the judge' so with that in mind stopped seeing a solicitor.

He just wants too see her...but she is not willing to be civil, we arranged a meeting she agreed that both myself and her partner ( who was at the birth were gavin was not allowed and is now referred to as daddy) could be there then on monday changed her mind and said i couldn't be there - Gavin then would nt go due to the fact that her BOYfriend would be there as a witness and support for her but he could have nothing, last time this happened and Gavin went a long with it the baby was 5 days old Gavin lft and came home in floods of tears as he was not comfortable and she tried to cause an argument, she wouldn't let him feed her, change her and could only hold her for a split sec on - all this was wither her boyfriend present too.

I am running out of ideas as to what to do...Gavin is being civil but she is just adamant that she is going to make it difficult, she says he is irresponsible and cant care for a baby... and she doesn't trust him.

Hi Super Mario,

We are not sure what she will and will not entertain....Gavin has said from day one she will only want him for is money especially as there is a new guy on the scene playing daddy.

Gavin would go to supervised visits if it mean that he saw his daughter but he just doesnt' want her partner there if i can not, we dont' even know where to start when it comes to looking into that - we were told that supervised visits could be with anyone however she has no family as unfortunately she was dis- owned by her parents and was living with her grand parents - they now have moved away...? Hence why we agreed recently her boyfriend could be there and i would come along so that we could act as support for both parents and the child....But she cancelled this on monday saying i didn't need to be there. when Gain questioned it she just said he wasn't seeing her full stop now.

Hi there,

Your in a situation many of us have been in, the solicitors seem to give the same advice to most people as there is a chance that going to court won't help, though they don't always paint the happier side when it does.

I went to court for better access to my son, and so far so good, I still have little battles with his mum but I see him every other week for the weekend.

You can go to court for just the cost of the fees £200 from memory, and your partner can represent himself so no solicitors are needed,.go to the legal section and at the top is a guide to applying for and representing yourself through court, it's a tough process butte outcome is worth it.

When you and apply to court keep in mind the future and what you would like in respect of contact as your partners child gets older, ensure you think about birthdays, Christmas and holidays as it's easier to get it all done in one go than it is to get anything amended.

You could try asking the experience to attend mediation again in a letter, that would show the judge you were willing to try to resolve yourself before going to court which would always act in your favor.

We can help you through the whole process from advice legally from the children's legal team (if you stop using a solicitor privately) and from emotional support from people who have been through this process so stick around and let us know why you decide and where it goes.

Darren

In addition to the advice above, I would suggest that Gavin starts to keep a video diary to his daughter, that will give her something for the future, and keep it all positive