[Solved] New user

Hi Ferris

Welcome to the site.

It's great that you want to be part of your daughters life. Wow this is going to be a tough journey for you though. You are going to have to convince your ex girlfriend that letting you back in your daughters life will be a benefit for her and that you want to be there for the long haul rather than just flit in and then flit out again (because to be honest that would just be disruptive).

How old is your daughter ?

Gooner

Hi Ferris,

May I ask how old your daughter would be now?...and are you absolutely sure you have the correct address?

We had another Dad here recently, also trying to re-connect after a long time apart. I suggested he contact the Salvation Army, they have a lot of experience in reuniting families and they also have a tracing service. Otherwise do you have a close relative or friend that could make the initial approach for you....maybe the other party might find it easier to deal through an intermediary.

If she's still at school then it could be that the mother doesnt feel she is mature enough just yet.

Dont give up hope and dont give up trying 🙂

Thanks Gooner, i was 20 and stupid , now a bit (a lot) older and would (without trying to sound too dramatic) but would move heaven and earth just to be a small part of her life, I know it's going to be difficult and i understand her mothers reluctance to even acknowledge me but this is too important, and my guilt increases when i read about some of the situations some guys are in. I have always paid child support and sent presents and cards etc, I've told her mother that if she needs anything or money to just ask and i have savings for her if she decides to go to university or buy a house or anything she wants.

Thanks nannyjane, she's 15 now and i know she still lives at the same address, not to sound like a stalker but on her and my birthday i park close to the house to see her leave for school, I'm not in contact with the few mutual friends we had but it is a good idea, As i say i understand her mothers reluctance to talk to me and trust me she cannot hate me as much as i hate myself, even if she just spoke to me herself it would be a start even if it's to shout at me. I will continue to send letters and cards etc even if it's just in hope

www.nfm.org.uk

Have a look at this link to the Mediation service. It might be an idea to try to approach her through them. You would attend an initial appointment with a mediator and talk through the purpose of your request for mediation. The mediator would then write to the mother inviting her to attend a meeting to discuss the issues further. She might find it easier to contact a third party rather than you directly. If she felt uncomfortable she could attend without having to see you, but at least it would open up some dialogue.

Please dont hate yourself, you were very young and we all make mistakes....you are trying to put things right now and with patience and fortitude I feel sure you will succeed. 🙂

Ferris,

Mediation could be the way to go. I totally understand that you just want to discuss it with you ex. Sat down with a trained Mediator would be a great option.

Keep us posted on what you decide.

Good luck.

Gooner

Thanks Gooner & Nannyjane, It's good to know there is a support structure in this country, i'll keep you posted

Hi Guys, just a quick update, I have received the paperwork from the mediation people and am hopeful they can at least communicate on my behalf, we'll see how that develops, I have also been in contact with her school and the vice principal was very helpful and i have sent her copies of CSA records and birth certificate to prove who i am and she will check there's no injunctions against me and then all being well i'll get her school reports, i'm guessing they'l have to tell her mother and i'm worried about how she'll react. Thanks for all your help so far, i'm glad i found you

That's great news Ferris - I'm glad the school are going to keep you abreast of what is going on.

I hope mediation works for you.

Gooner

Hi there

Not sure I am going to be able to offer you any advice but what I would do is ask to meet up with your ex on neutral territory and explain to her why you left and that you want to make it up to your daughter.

Remember though that at 15 she will be in GCSE year and therefore your ex may not want any disruption to her life at the moment and I think you need to tread carefully

Good luck

Hi Supermario, your suggestion is exactly what i tried, over the years i have been met with a wall of silence in response to any communication and had started to despair that there was nothing to be done, I didn't want to take a legal route as i felt i had no right. I have in the last week received a message from her mother on Twitter asking me to 'please ask yourself if your actions could cause upset' she was referring to a picture i had posted of my daughter on the cover of a recent cheer-leading competition, my intention was not cause upset just show how proud i was, apparently my daughter had seen it and was worried she was being stalked again? i asked for more details and was only met with 'the last person that did it is now in prison' i am a bit skeptical by this claim but the last thing i want to do is cause a negative impact on her life and your right as this is an important time in her academic career it's very important that i don't, therefore i took the picture off as she requested. I have suggested on numerous occasions that just her and i meet without our daughters knowledge but that has always been avoided (probably because she hates me but i don't know for sure) so i am in complete limbo with nowhere to turn, all i can do i suppose is wait patiently for her to decide if she wants to see me. Thanks for your input it is greatly appreciated