[Solved] new user - hello

Hi there

Welcome to the forum

Being a dad can be a very stressful time especially if the child doesn't sleep well, and sleep deprevation does make a massive difference.

Remember you and your wife are a team and you will get through this together.

As for bonding - being there when your baby needs you, feeding them, reading them stories and playing with them is all bonding

We all doubt ourselves and in a few years time you will look back and wonder what the fuss is about - surely you didn't believe it was going to be easy?

Hi there and welcome 🙂

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing. I think its very positive that you have acknowledged what is happening, and admirable that you have been so pro active in seeking out help and a solution.

All children are individuals and unfortunately dont come with an instruction leaflet...or an on/off switch! Which would be reallly handy sometimes! 😀 They are very good at picking up on things and its highly likely he is picking up on your anxiety and reacting to it. Its much more common than you think for parents to feel out of their depth and unsure of themselves and their feelings.

Have you discussed how much you're struggling with your partner or your family? We had a member on here asking for advice three weeks ago, and he was feeling just as you do... I suggested he discuss it with other family members and perhaps join a dads group which is something you have already mentioned. Children develop so quickly and the one consolation is that he's getting older and before you know it he will be talking and taking much more of an interest in the world around him. Try planning activities that you can both enjoy, finger painting and water play will keep him occupied for ages and give you a chance to enjoy his company rather than worry about wether you're doing it right! We all make mistakes and feel overwhelmed and out of control with our children from time to time.

Good luck with everything.

Hi, many thanks to you both in repling. Your comments do make a lot of sense. I have spoken to my wife and family about it. My wife is supportive and a wonderful mum to my son, she has all the qualities i lack. Going back to a comment you made, whioch i believe could certainly be tru is that my son could be picking up on my anxiety. I'm trying to change my way of thinking (the therapist is helping) makes me sound like a mad man!!

To be honest i didn't expect it to be this hard, by no means not easy but not this intense. I take on board what you both have said and will continue to try and enjoy this and put the effort which my son deserves. I appreciate how lucky i am to have a loving wife and healthy happy (little crazy) son!

take and care and thanks again

...Dont do yourself down, you strike me as a caring, sensitve and thoughtful person. You are obviousy putting tons of effort into putting things right and I have every confidence that you will get there! 🙂

I'm glad you are able to talk it through with your wife, she sounds like a lovely person. It may seem intense right now but it will get better. Becoming parents is one of the hardest things we can do, but one of the most fulfilling...Take it one day at a time and at the end of each day concentrate on what is good about your life. You said in your last post about feeling lucky to have a loving wife and a healthy happy son....he's healthy and happy because he feels loved and secure! 🙂 ...Your wife is loving because she too is happy and feels loved, sounds like you're doing plenty thats right to me!

Best wishes to you all and please keep us posted 🙂

Hi stewstrugglingdad,

Welcome to the site - I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment. It is quite normal for new dads to feel a little bit uneasy about their ability to be a good parent. Trust me, the fact that you feel this way means that you are going to be a great parent - you care.

It is amazing how much lack of sleep can affect both parents but it sounds like you have a supportive wife and family - which is great. Really please don't be so down on yourself.

Check out some of these articles on the main part of the site for some advice:
Baby's home: what next
Your newborn: do's and don't for the first few weeks
Babies and sleep
Hanging out with a newborn
The biggest myths about dads

I am so pleased that you have been able to share these feelings you are experiencing with your wife and family.

I would suggest you have a look at your local Children's Centre for some support. Most Children's Centres have dad groups and will be able to offer you some practical advice and support. Here is a link to a list of Children's Centres in Bolton

Keep us posted with how it's going. Would love to hear more about your healthy happy (little crazy) son.

Trust in yourself a little more.

Gooner