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Hi guys, new to the site, interesting reading and good to know other people are in the same situation and can help!
I split four months ago and have a boy( 8 ) and girl(4), I also work in the same building as my ex partner and although we limit contact it is very easy to "have a word" with each other.
I am learning every day about my new life as a single parent and find myself overcoming hurdles daily. My current roblem is not so much access but mine and the ex's perception of quality time and how I conduct my life.
Firstly I pick my children up every day for school, have them overnight tuesday, tea on a thursday, and then fri/sat or sat/sun alternately. The problems have arose that when we were together I am very active and deeply involve in local football, something I do take very serious and i feel is part of me as a person.
Now i feel that emotionally I am over my ex after a rough few months it is showing in my body language and attitude towards life. this seems to have taken the ex by surprise as in my opinion when I "seemed to be bothered" she ws prepared to be flexible , however now she is imposing definitive times for me to return the children knowing this will prevent me committing to any of my hobbies, hobbies that as a couple I had been involved with for the 11 year relationship!!
If it comes down to a choice I would choose the kids but feel that she is playing hardball over what she perceives as me not spending QT with the children.. she also knows that this would affect me as a person as it is something I love, but something that before I could do as well as be a good aprent and provide emotionally for my children..
She split with me due to being controlling and not allowing her to be herself however I now feel she is trying to dictate my life!! I feel I do a lot more than most dads (not labeling everyone,sorry!!), and even when my car was stolen I ensured she could get to work by borrowing cars left right and centre.. Otherwise she would have had to pay £60 a week in taxis, money I think she could spend on my children, however she believes I am trying to still impact on her and control her life.. when in reality I am doing it for the kids primarily and if it helps her so be it, I am not an idiot and feel by helping that I am being true to myself as a person rather than as I see it the vindictive person she is trying to be.
Thanks for listening/reading
Normally, I would suggest mediation at this stage, but is there any realistic chance the two of you could sit down for a coffee one lunchtime and talk it through together. I think it may take a bit of effort on both sides to see the other's point of view, but it would be the best solution if you could sort it out between yourselves.
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