[Solved] No set out access/visiting

Hi Giddy

I understand your situation and appreciate why you would like to challenge it but I think in order to do that you may need to involve solicitors and / or the CSA.

If you are not working would you not quallify for legal aid?

Well this is something I am not sure about, whether or not I can get legal aid, but to be honest I would prefer to do thing's without a solicitor, I was hoping to go down the route of a mediator or something of that nature. I want the least disruptive for the children. I have tried to talk very calmly to my ex and tried to explain that everything, and I mean everything I do is in the best interest for the children, all I seem to get is a disgruntled 'hmpft!' it's like walking on broken glass all the time. The children are always asking can they see me more and that is where the Tuesdays after school came in. I got lucky. Overall she isn't a bad person but it's almost like my views and suggestions don't count anymore, but all my suggestions and views are only for the benefit of the children. [censored]! I wish she would just sit down and talk like an adult with me, but she doesn't feeel the need to listen to me anymore.

Hi

You seem like a great dad and a very reasonable and placid guy (not meant to sound patronising), however, if both you and your children want to spend more time together it sounds like you might need to get a bit tougher. Mediation is, of course, the best next step, and one the courts (if things unfortunately get that far) will be pleased to see was taken. But have you thought about how far you are actually prepared to take things if mediation doesn't go according to plan? If your ex even agrees to it.

I take into account your view that your ex isn't a bad person overall but, as an outsider looking in, she does seem to be quite unreasonable (at least where you're concerned), finds you an inconvenience and would prefer that you weren't around so she can do as she pleases with the children without having to consider you in anything. That is not how things should be and you have as much of an equal role to play in your children's lives as she does (inc. Christmas, etc). Your children are at an age where their opinions count in the eyes of the law and as they wish to spend more time with you that should count for something. It sounds like it's gone on for too long now, so ask her about attending mediation and take it from there. If she doesn't want to attend mediation I would look at going to your local CAB to look at your options, there are also some useful guides on here at the top of the legal section should you need to go down that route.

Good luck and let us know how it goes 🙂

First of all I would like to say a really big thank you for taking the time to respond and in such an understanding way. I take on board your point of just exactly how far am I prepared to take things, that, is a very good question, my confidence isn't at it's best at present, sometimes, like today she asked would I like to see the children for a couple of hours tomorrow, fathers day, sunday. Now this is not usually my day with the children and so I really appreciated her offering and that is my point, she can be so thoughtful at times which make me think well ok thing's are not as bad as I may think, especially when I read and hear the circumstances of some of the other dad's in here, I feel positively lucky and should be thankful.
To be very honest.....we get on fantastic and can talk and chat with no problems, until her family get involved. As soon as her sister or other members of her family get involved she turns into quite a nasty selfish person and doesn't seem to consider the children's needs or thoughts whatsoever, let alone mine.
I'm just so confused at times..........I just don't know what to do for the best. The last thing I want is the children being upset by mummy and daddy fighting in the courts. I don't think parents sometimes realize just how much this can upset children. I'll see if I can summon the gut's to mention to my ex wife that I would like for us to see a mediator with regards to the children and see what she says. Thank's again for your support.

It sounds as though your ex isn't unreasonable generally, so I can understand you reasoning for not wanting to go down the court route, and to be honest, I think you are right to avoid it. You would be fighting for only a little extra access and it could be that by fighting, your ex makes your current contact arrangements less flexible. I think mediation is by far the best route, as you have already realised, and I'd explain to your ex that you would like to do this so it's not a bolt out of the blue for her.