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Hi there I am divorced from my ex. My son is now 8 years old. I split from my ex when he was 18 months old. Since that day I have paid child support directly to me ex via bank account and in 2007 i went through the csa. My ex has now demanded I pay her directly and wants more money. I have stated that i shall only go through the CSA. She then went and cancelled the csa payments and I received a letter stating that payments have stopped. My ex will not let my son come down and i have not seen him in 8 weeks, bearing in mind I have had constant contact for the last 6 and half years every weekend and half of every holidays and alternate xmas each year. My ex even stated on our divorce agreement that my son loves and will always have contact with his father and we have shared responsibilities. This is very tough on me now as I have only spoken to my son 3 times on the phone as she wont let me, plus to make it worse everytime I speak its on loudspeaker and my son wants to come down but his mother tells him to tell me only if i pay for him the cheek she cancelled the payments then she tells him that I am not his father but only a sperm donor. Now I am not a child specialist but as a father I know that may well have psycological affects on my son. Where do I begin to get my contact back and financialy what is it going to cost me. I have a partner now and another son who is 3 years old and that is having an affect on us all not having my other son with us as he has a family here who we all miss and its affecting us all. I have come and went with my son's mother reluctantly agreeing to every 2nd weekend to let my son play football with his school. Now its something else and if I dont stand up to her now she will continue to demand and expect.......
Hi and welcome,
Sounds like a tough situation, there are answers though so all is not lost, the first thing I would do is to write a recorded letter to your ex stating that you need to re start contact with your son and that this needs to happen ASAP, I would normally recommend suggesting mediation in this letter however for your situation it may be worth skipping that at this stage (but be ready to go at a later date) within the letter ensure you let your ex know that you are ailing to go through court if needed but that you would rather be able to resolve this without doing so. Don't use court as a threat but just let her know you will go if needed.
When writing the letter keep it clear on what you want, don't place blame, or point fingers keep it very civil, then send it recorded deliver (maybe with the address typed so hand writing isn't recognized) then wait for a reply.
Whilst doing this look in the legal section on the forum as at the top there is a guide to applying for a contact order and going through court, it doesn't need to be expensive as you don't need a solicitor you can go alone.
Make sure you keep copies of all letters txt and emails in case they are needed and keep us up dated as to what's happening.
This must be putting a strain on your life but it's short term and there is support, lots of us here have been through this and we are happy to share advice and experiences with you.
Darren
Thanks for that info. I shall look into it tomorrow. To be honest I think its gone way past sending my ex a letter, reason being its not the first time she has done this. In the past I may have gone 2 weeks without seeing my son but would be sorted out but this is the first time she has cancelled everything. The way i see it stopping my son coming down is just a selfish act on her part and its not keeping with the stability that my son has always had over the last 6 1/2 years.
Hi,
I know how you feel and sending the letter may be pointless and it may well be past that point which is why I said there wasn't any point in suggesting mediation in the letter as the most important thing is regaining contact.
Sending the letter shows that you are trying to make a move to resolve things before going to court, it also gives your ex a chance to change her mind before it gets to the court stage.
You are probably right and it won't change anything, but sending the letter will start the process off.
Darren
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