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I have a son with my former wife (now aged 8). After the split up he lived with her and i took a 10,000 pound loan from my parents to visit every other weekend (3 trains to pick him up and 3 trains back, twice a weekend for about a year) as i didn't have a car as she took that. She was kicked out of the RAF for drug taking, caught drink driving and banned for a year.... mum of the year award looming - er no! She decided to move to New Zealand 3 and a half years ago and i wouldn't let me son go, so he stayed with me and my current wife. I went to court to get everything sorted out legally and i had parental responsibility. I took my son out to New Zealand to visit my ex for a hoiday during summer hols, only for her to abduct him and refuse to return him! I went through the Hague Convention to get him returned, spending about 7,000 pounds on a solicitor and lost the case as the judge thought it would be more upsetting to uproot him from where he now is, ???? She then takes me to court for maintanance. I say that i will put money to one side each month to afford to come out to see him, only affording a trip once every 3 years for the cost involved in getting there and back and hotels, car, food etc etc. The judge threw that out and a judge in the UK agreed, so i am now having to pay 11,000 back pay and nearly 300 pounds per month. I cant afford the backpay and after buying a house in January am at my limit of solvency, not expecting this amount to hit me. There is a [censored] of a lot of detail missed out in order that i can get this down in such a small box, but the facts are true.
The question is - Where do i stand on paying back money that i cant afford to pay back and is there a ray of hope that i will be able to see my son before he turns 18?!
hi Adam and welcome to the forum.
I'm appalled at the decision going against you to get your son returned, but I'm not sure if there's anything you can do to have any chance of successfully fighting it - hopefully someone else might have an idea. I would suggest contacting your local MP, certainly can't hurt.
Hi Adam,
Your case really shows how the system inplace doesn't work in all cases. Not only have you lost access to your son through your ex taking him without permission, but now having to pay the maintenance, when you are in such a unique situation of wanting to be able to save up to see him. Is your ex at all willing to pay to send your son back to visit you? Or at least pay half the costs?
I wish she would either pay half or allow him to return, but she knows that in the UK, I have a court order that means he is, in the UK system to live with me and my wife. To that end, she won't send him back. She has re-married and got a new child and to her that is her life, she will never return to the UK. It is 3 years since i took him out there on holiday and all she is bothered about is money. Even when she was in New Zealand and i was in the UK she never paid a penny maintenance for the 16 months he was with me and my wife. Mothers get the lot with cherries on top.
As I mentioned, it's worth speaking to your MP, and ask him to write to the foreign and commonwealth office to see if there is anything they can do, though it will be a slow process.
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