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Hi Dads
I've had a look through the first page of posts and couldn't find anything which was the same as my situation - if this is a repeat question I apologise and would appreciate someone pointing me in the right direction.
Background...I was with my ex for about a year, split up in August last year and then had a couple of nights of fun in Feb and we fell pregnant. Although we were getting on well after she broke the news in Feb until May, she has now decided that she can't speak to me. Without being conceited she wants to be with me and I don't feel the same ( I have a new girlfriend who she understandably resents who I have been with since March so there was no cheating!)
We are at the stage now where we should be speaking civily (baby is due in Nov) and talking about baby names etc. My ex is a great person but is understandably hurting. I have every desire to be involved in my childs life and will be there as needed but I refuse to play the bank.
My questions are;
1. Has anyone else found themselves in this position and how did it work out? Did you change the way you were thinking/acting or were you just constant throughout saying what you wanted?
2. I am worried about the baby's name. She has said that she will be going back to her maiden name (she was married before she met me) and that my child will be brought up with her maiden name. I would find it very hard to bond with my child if they didn't have some form of my name (double barreled seems like a fair compromise rather than my name outright, but my ex doesn't want our child to have anything of my name). I will be signing the birth certificate but I was wondering whether there was anything legally I could do to decide the surname of our baby, or whether this is purely the mothers decision?
3. I have thought about mediation but there is no desire from her to get involved in that. I understand that she wants me back which is not going to happen although I feel a lot for her and she'll be a great mum, we just wouldn't work together going forward (better to come from a broken home than grow up in one!)
Any help/advice/comments would be much appreciated, it's been quite cathartic writing this down as it's been on my mind for some months.
All the best
Phil
Tricky situation but don't think there is allot you can do about it. I was lucky my son got my name and even thou she wanted to change it after we broke up she needed my permission which she obviously didn't get.
In fairness with your situation I can understand her position and why she would want to keep her name if you don't have a future together. I wouldn't expect the name to be an issue regarding bonding. Once you see the baby everything changes, well for me anyway.
I would accept the baby taking her name, just make sure you get your name on the birth certificate as the dad!! This should make sure you have parental responsibility and could save you allot of problems in the future if your relationship with your ex breaks down.
If I am wrong with any of that someone please correct me. No expert 🙂
Hope it all works out for you
Thanks Jonjo, your comments are very appreciated, as is the speed with which you posted.
Tough times as I want to do the right thing by my child and have them know I always tried to do the same.
Hopefully my ex will start speaking with me as that surely must be the key to a happy start.
Thanks again J
Phil
Hi
I think JonJo has given excellent and realistic advice to you. If you try to make it difficult for her, I think it would bounce back on you in the long run. It might be worth trying to sort out contact and maintenance sooner rather than later, and at first you will probably have to try for contact on a little-but-often basis as a newborn baby is dependant on it's mother.
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