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Guys
I have been seperated from my wife for about 4 months properly now and have 2 wonderful little girls both under the age of 12, bascially 7 months ago my wife decided that she didnt want to work at our marriage anymore and told me it was over at about 6am on a Monday morning!!
I would guess a lot of men have been throught this sort of thing but i have left out house (about 4 months ago) moved into my parents and have as of 3 weeks ago moved into my own flat that i am renting....
My ex and the girls are living in the house and the last thing i want to do is tell them to leave so i am now paying half the mortage on the house as well as my rent which works out a lot of money every single month...
At the time of the seperation i was totally shocked and didnt expect anyhting like this to happen and it made it worse as it was a week before Christmas and it really spoilt it for me being at the house trying to play happy families with someone that had ruined my life!!!
Since then i have sorted myself out and dusted myself off and am now seeing a wonderful woman who makes me happy and accepts me as me and doesnt want me being anyone i am not...i have been seeing her for about 4 weeks now and really dont know when or how to tell my ex and the girls?
i have no idea if my ex is seeing anyone or not but one of the reasons behind her wanting to leave me was that she had never been with anyone else and after 18 years she wanted to see what that would be like.......
I want to tell them all about my new relationship but am really worried that my ex will make it difficult for me seeing my girls, at the moment i have them ever other weekend and a couple of nights in the week when i can and i dont want that to stop...
I really dont know where i stand with all this legally as we have just agreed the access between us and nothing is written down ...so my question is really what can i expect? any advise would be welcome to be honest......
Hi Foggy,
Welcome along.
It's great that you have managed to move on and that you have found someone that accepts you, it's also great that you have been able to resolve the tricky subject of contact with your girls as this can be a mine field.
Honestly I would say at this stage that it may be worth hanging on and keeping your new life with your new girlfriend to yourself, I say this as 4 weeks is still quite early days, I know you probably want to introduce her to your girls and be able to share more time with her, which is natural. Introducing her to your girls or even telling them (and your ex) could quite possibly upset the apple cart with regards to seeing your girls and the arrangements you have made.
I know this is going to be tough but mabe wait a few more months to see where this relationship goes, your ex may get very protective of the girls when she realises there is another woman around (this seems a natural reaction), and as much as you would never want to replace her as thier mum, it may not sit that way with her. If things are getting serious then tell her, and you will be in a better place to say that you are in a relationship that has been going on for 3-4 months.
With regards to your contact arrangements I would also try and get the arrangemet you have written into a legal agreement, A solicitor can do this for you, you don't have to go to court, getting the agreement written would help if things ever went sour between you which hopefully they won't.
Darren
Hi Darren
Thanks for the welcome, this whole thing to be honest feels like a mine field to me at the moment...
I have been thinking the same really as a bit part of me wants to tell my ex so that she knows that i am moving on but then i also think that i get to see my girls reguarly and the last thing i want is for that to stop, and telling her would i suspect change that in my ex's eyes...
I will have a chat with a solicitor as well as that seems like a sensible thing to do...
I have to say its so nice being able to chat to other dads that have been through this is i really dont know what i am doing at the moment...
Thanks a lot for the reply i really appreciate it
Martin
There is so much to think of when these things happen and until you have been through it you are going in blind.
Any questings or support you need just ask.
Darren
You must keep the relationship to yourself. Firstly, I think it is too soon for your daughters to deal with this, they will still be getting used to the idea that their mum and dad are no longer together. Also, if you new girlfriend has a good income or a house of her own, you ex COULD order an enquiry into your girlfriend's finances and take them into account in any financial settlement.
I separated around a year ago, and have been seeing my girlfriend for nearly 3 years, but I have still NOT introduced her to my children (although my eldest knows all about her and has indicated that she is ready to and wants to meet her), and my ex does not know for sure if I'm still seeing my girlfriend.
I would also say that 4 weeks is NOT very long. You can't go confusing your girls by introducing them to someone new if it then doesn't work out!
That is pretty good advice - not only for the girls sake but your ex may take unkindly to this.
I would definitely get the agreement sorted formally as the CSA may want to take more from you
Good luck
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