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Hi All,
I would like to say Hi - and I hope that you don't mind me posting here given that I am a female, but would like to share some views with you.
My partner has a child with his ex-wife, they divorced in 2006 (we got together in 2010) and to say that things have been ugly would be an understatement. His ex-wife uses the child as a weapon, swears, steals and treats the child really badly. Ex-wife has called the police on my partner citing domestic abuse three times, making mallicous calls to Social Services claiming peadophilla behaviour and having the Police check up on the child. ALL UNSUBSTANCIATED BY ALL AUTHORITIES.
She clearly does it to blacken his name. This is the woman who overdosed with her child in the house, prostituted herself on the net and beat her daughter with a wooden stick.
Anyway... My partner has residency of his daughter (something we know is not common!) and daughter has contact at weekends with mother. My partner has been advised to take his ex back to court and fight to have contact reduced due to the abusive nature of mother/daughter contact.
So, we apply to court for contact to be decreased. Cafcas have become involved and this is turned into a nightmare. Both parents have to have a phycological assessment (my partner only because ex - cited he was a bad dad). She is now back tracking and being uber nice to us to try and get out of the court enforced assessment. We will continue to court.
Throughout the complaints my partner has made to the Police and Cafcas and Social he has never been takken seriously - Do I believe that this is due to him being a man? Yes, I do. We get told were wasting Police time, yet ex calls the Police for everything and everything and they act immediately....
I just wanted to say that I read posts on here about men who are fighting for rights to see their children. All I can say is keep fighting, it's ugly, it's painful and it costs if you don't have legal aid! Anyone see The Wright Stuff on Friday? All about ex partners who use their children as pawns and dictate to the ex'es when and where they can see their children. I agree with one caller who said that women who use their children in this manner are jealous, pathetic, with little or sad lives and who are unable to move on.
My partner and I are expecting our first child together and to be honest it's really stressful with "her" constantly on our case. I was accused of being a peodophile and she called the Police. UNSUBSTANCIATED. I was reported to Social Services for being abusive to their child UNSUBSTANCIATED AGAIN and she constantly swears and calls me names in front of the child in the hope that the child will hate me. Child doesn't hate me and the more ex says stuff the more the child realises why her mum is saying it...
The ex clearly has mental health issues and just will not move on with her life. I just want to say to all you guys that a new partner being with your children isn't always a bad thing... PLEASE don't judge them till you know them!!!!! Hard I know but us "Step parent types" aren't the fairytale nasties we have been portrayed to be! I take the child to the Doctor as mum can't be bothered, I sit and help child with homework and mum can't be bothered.. The list is endless...
Keep fighting for your children - Keep in contact with them - Keep diaries of events, comments, also watch out for "flashpoint" situations (like them changing contact the day before you're due to have contact!) If you know a birthday/christmas card etc won't make it to the child, keep it for the future. Sounds very cloak and dagger, but should you have to go to court you will have tons of evidence to support you. That's one thing we have learnt evidence is CRUCIAL, CRUCIAL, CRUCIAL. Just make sure the children don't see you making notes etc as they will tell the other side!!! Do it when they are not around. Write EVERYTHING down, even if you think it's petty.
I don't want to come accross as big headed, or an [censored], I am hoping that I can shed some light to help others. We have been there, we are still there an it's flippin' hard! NOT ALL woman are like this. This is something I have had to install in to my partner and I have had to prove myself to him... It's a shame that one relationship can shatter a persons belief in the other [censored].
That's me - Thanks for letting me share my views, as I have been writing this email in my head and I could not sleep!!!
Good Luck Guys - Rise above the fighting (you're better than that!). Keep Strong, children need a strong leader... x x x x
Hi and welcome to the forum 🙂 )
I've been in the position you're partner is in, and my ex did all she could to blacken my present wife's name - she failed miserably though because my kids adore my wife and she's more of a mother to them than my ex ever was, and the more she tried to turn my kids, the more it backfired.
I got custody of my kids a couple of years after the divorce, and then a couple of years later went back to get contact reduced from twice a month to once a month, because my ex was missing turning contact on a regular basis (and even now has 3.5 hours contact instead of the 4 hours available so she doesn't have to get up so early), so it does happen.
From what you have said, I would be looking at not only reducing contact, but having it confined to a contact centre.
Firstly welcome along, i'm sure nobody will have a problem with you being a female on here, we aren't like some of the womens forums that i've witness (strictly closed groups/no men allowed etc 😆 )
I too have two step kids, but luckily don't have to deal with any kind of thing that you have to deal with as the kids Dad has nothing at all to do with them, he's never seen the youngest and he's recently turned 4.
I'm sure you'll get plenty of support and advice here, so keep fighting, and keep your heads up, heck even try and get your partner on here too!
Hi Tiredoffighting,
Thanks for sharing your current situation so openly & honestly. It sounds like you're really in the thick of it right now. Hearing that you're up writing this because you can't sleep gives some indication of the stress you are both under right now.
I just want to encourage you in the best way that I know how. I can't imagine how hard it is to face what you are facing, but think you are doing a great job trying to protect your partners daughter & be a role model for her. Dads & Mums are super important in kids lives & Step Mums & Dads are too. I really hope you get some break through soon & find helpful advice & experiences of others on the Dad Talk Website to encourage you. The Children's Legal Centre website (link at top of page) is a real helpful website should you need any legal guidance. Keep us posted on how you get on & thank you for encouraging other Dads to keep going in their custody cases.
Huge congratulations on the news that you are now expecting a child together! Really hope things settle down & you are able to enjoy the pregnancy together. When are you due? Remember to look after yourself & take time to do things you enjoy & destress you. Hope you start sleeping better! Keep us posted.
Springchicken
I am gonna try and re=post what I typed yesterday!! UPDATE!
Went to court early December. My partner's ex wife's contact has been reduced HORAH!!!!!!! She now has contact every 1 in 3 wks as apposed to every weekend. This will be rewied once she has had some "help" - upon checking court order today my partner has to pay a third of the £2k to have it reviewed by the phycologist!!! Maddening! EX is STILL creating havoc for us - her and her partner threatend me, were right up in my face, the Police? NOT INTERESTED!... Caused me to have a threatend miscarriage. Luckily I am still good, so is the baby we are 21 wks pregnant today!!!!
If she breaks current order she WILL be taken back to court and my partner has then been advised to apply for full residency (it's shared at mo, we have daughter for 3 wks at a time) For those of you who have read my past posts about our situ, this is a huge step forward in protecting my partner's daughter and some JUSTICE at last .
The courts have done the right thing, but we conflicting evidence from experts. She was proved to be off her rocker, my partner although no saint, had their child as his best interest. The ex even tried it on on Christmas day, I tell you. Goes to show that the leopard never changes it spots, even when faced with loosing PR and residence.
Ho hum!
Happy New Year, Keep plugging away... Always be there...Never give up....
And my mantra? Rise above it (you are better than that!) Keep notes, Keep texts, keep emails they REALLY do help. If not for the judge..... Keep it as a "tool" for you/your legal team to show the otherside before court. That guzzumps them on the spot!!!! Always looks good to photocopy a copy for the "otherside" ;- ) Wearing a suit and tie in my opinion is the best way forward, shows the judge you have respect for the Court System...
Happy New Year, Keep plugging away... Always be there...Never give up....
And my mantra? Rise above it (you are better than that!) Keep notes, Keep texts, keep emails they REALLY do help. If not for the judge..... Keep it as a "tool" for you/your legal team to show the otherside before court. That guzzumps them on the spot!!!! Always looks good to photocopy a copy for the "otherside" ;- ) Wearing a suit and tie in my opinion is the best way forward, shows the judge you have respect for the Court System...
Sounds like good advice.. thanks for sharing your story - keep us all posted!
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