however, isn't it the case that male victims of DV have historically not been listened to by the Family Courts, nor supported, as often they have been told to just 'man up' forget about it and not seek the relevant support that is available out there? Therefore DV appears statistically a gendered issue but more and more males are now being supported.
Thats why i said daddyup theres no point mentioning it in court as it wont get you nowhere. you more than likely to get told exactly what u said man up ,etc. Hence why he probs got told not to come back to court. Its best to focus fully on kids and get as much contact as u can and have as little to do with your ex as possible and keep courts on side . so unless its a breach or a variation that is valid best to stay away.
In the many court proceedings i been in i have never mentioned anything about ex and what she has done which includes swearing and many other things. firstly courts dont take any notice and put it down as [censored] for tat and almost end up having a go at you. secondly as soon as u do your ex is more hostile than ever and then notch it up a level. so ignore and dont react are the best ways to avoid a hostile ex unless communication is about children. when they breach or withdraw contact then straight to court.
Hi Warwickshire,
I agree it will not get recognised by the courts which is why I am suggesting to take a DV support worker in. The majority of female victims do exactly that it and on the whole judges, police, social workers will listen, support and accommodate if for no reason other than to avoid negative publicity.
Its the reason why DV appears a gendered issue but we all know its not the case, however there are many more womens rights campaigners arguing for the support of women and less supporting men.
Whilst I'm sure semifinalist does want to do as you suggest, potentially the abuse (which from reading his posts is more than swearing and [censored] for tat) significantly impacts his own mental health and is causing harm to children, resulting in many months without contact and therefore it potentially needs to be raised in the courts and dealt with.
In my opinion, if Semifinals was in court with a DV support worker, it is less likely (not unlikely) that the judge will say they will not bother with allegations of domestic violence and the impact on him and his child. Female abusers are becoming much more recognised now and as we all know there is a significant amount of focus on the impact of DV on the children including the current CofA case.
If nothing else, Semifinalist can by contacting mensadvice line and mankind initiative seek and get support for himself to help him move forward and be supported in challenging times which I'm sure we all agree is beneficial.
It sounds as though you might benefit from the support of a domestic abuse agency. They will be used to dealing with male victims as well as females. You can google domestic abuse services for your area and hopefully find quite a number to choose from.
warwickshire1, to be clear, I have never taken my ex to court based purely on abuse and harassment - the first application was because she denied me contact for 6 months, the second application because she had breached the order, and the third time was to stop her from deregistering our daughter from school without my consent and against out daughter's wishes. I received a whatsapp message from saying she was doing it the following morning and quickly sought legal advice and the only thing I could do to prevent her was make an emergency application.
Whilst at court, as you know you have to disclose in the application any concerns about abuse, etc towards yourself and your children, there is also Cafcass' safeguarding interview each time. When it has been as serious as it has, whilst I am going through the court process, I would be a fool not to mention it. In the past, my ex has actually been warned to stop harassing me at handovers, but that is all, so far.
When I was told off for applying to court regarding the school issue, they were angry at me thinking I was making false allegations against my ex in my application, but the main part of that telling off was to dissuade me from ever applying to court again, just about contact issues, or breaches of the order, let alone anything else. So I have been told to not even do that. The message was very clear from the court: sort it out yourselves. However, if that worked, I would never have had to make all the court applications I have already. If my ex was capable of communicating with me properly and being reasonable, I probably wouldn't even need to be on this forum. However, that's not the case. Court is always a last resort. I let the breaches and issues build up until I feel I have a sufficient amount of evidence to take to court and be taken seriously. It seems though, that my ex, like many other abusive mothers. is allowed to do what she wants and I supposed to just let that happen, therefore having a detrimental effect on mine and my daughter's relationship, not to mention mine and my daughter's mental health and emotional wellbeing.
I agree. If it really is just '[censored] for tat' and petty squabbling, then don't even mention it. But when we are talking about proper narcissistic abuse and harassment towards both myself and our daughter, I can't just brush it under the rug. If ever want peace for me and our daughter, then I have no choice but to keep fighting.
I know you not taking her to court purely/solely to do with abuse and harassment .
However they are never going to do anything about narcisstic abuse and harassment u are suffering. It is pointless to keep fighting it as u are going to family court with probably a very good case and when you add that into the mix this is where they probably saying dont return again etc.
Everytime she breaches and its something significant like a loss of a whole weekend . Enforce the order but just stick to that element and family courts can deal with her accordingly if you just stick to the breach part only.
I am pretty sure all that happens is when u mention what she has done , is that it makes her 10 x worse and she counters back with more issues and allegations effectively muddying the waters