[Solved] when absent father lies to reduce csa calculation

Have you tried Mumsnet? 😆

.........sorry the 👿 made me do it :silly:

Hi,

Sorry to sound like a A*se but I would want to know more before passing any views, you have come to a site where most here have been seriously burned by their ex's. I may be playing devils advocate, but there is more than likely more than one who might agree with a "tough" response to this.

Can he afford the payments you are expecting?
Do you know for a fact he is lying?
Have to tried talking to him and accepting a lower payment that could afford should the 1st point be accurate?

There are so many variables and to ask for a "that's bad" or "that's good" response is undeniably pointless.

Give me the full story and I may give you my view.

Vaz

Hi Lizzie

I'm afraid a lot of dads on here have had a hard time, which is why you may get some harsh answers. However, taking your question and facts at face value (and lets face it, we do that on here to most dads who come on here), I am not a fan of the fact that the CSA brought out new rules but wouldn't convert people on the old rules to these. Having said that, I am definitely against anyone lying to avoid paying through the CSA - the rules may be wrong sometimes, but they are the rules so he should stick by them.

I'm not sure what he hopes to gain by saying he's splitting up from his wife, I don't see that would make a difference to what he pays you.

Hi Lizzie 🙂

There are lots of injustices surrounding contact and child maintenance, but I would say that mostly the system is heavily weighted in favour of women. Whilst I sympathise with your plight I can also understand why you have received such a luke warm response . Miost Dads here arn't given the opportunity to be Dads at all!

I am surprised that your ex was able to convert from the old rules to the new.... the only advice I can give is that you write to the CSA and dispute his claims.

hi yes more info , the ex was lying about being split from his wife who is now expecting their third child . yes he can afford what he was expected to pay with a joint income off 4500 per month (he was expected to pay 35 a week ) he had an officer to go to visit him from csa and low and behold they admitted they had lied .
he did how try to get our eldest child 24 yr old to write a letter to csa saying he never went to college my son provided the letter he sent him offering him £2000 to do this (avoiding the arrears repayments ) my son declined the offer .
i would love my sons father to have contact he does with the oldest 2 age 21 and 24 . he doesnt want contact with the 11 yr old says he is ashamed of him doesnt how to treat him .my son has severe learning difficulties needs constant attention (oh i do work also dont rely on benefits etc ) i put this on here as i know there are many decent chaps who fight for their children and keep full contact i do know there are some real bitches that do stop contact etc . the csa are less then help full most of the time will not convert the case back to old rules due to the cases all gradually being converted.
i do understand that a lot of dads do have a hard time which is awful and laws should be changed for the dads out there who want to be dads , i have a few friends who are male and are fighting for their children.
i wanted some views from the decent ones out there .

Probably a silly question, but has the CSA taken into account any special expenses involved with looking after your son because of his learning disabilities?

The joint income won't count, only his income, but I would look at every possibility the CSA offer with regards to a variation - I would say that you really want to get it to a tribunal because that letter he wrote to your son is really going to go against him when they are making their decision.

WHY WHY WHY ARE MEN STANDING FOR THIS?
IN MANY CASES AS in mine my ex used me to have a baby, then finished and is now asking for money before she will even tell me how she is, and the baby is not even born yet?
WE SHOULD BE PAYING FOR OUR OWN SET UP fitting out our homes for your/our children.

Many men don't want anything to do with there children. But, for those that do they should not punished because some b-tch feels she can make you jump through hoops. STAND TOGETHER LADS AND SAY NO!. TIME TO GET THIS BACK ON OUR OWN TERMS.

i am going to attend the hearings the letter has been sent to the courts already and he replied saying it wasn't his writing how ever i have found some very old letters he used to send me and provided them to the court to prove it is , the case was old rules at one point up until last November , the csa will not take into consideration that my son has learning difficulties , to be honest if my ex offered to help with the care of him and wanted to see him and spend time i would close the case , it was him who opened the case in the first place .and to cause all these problems is so silly and i know he is doing it to hurt me as i am very happy spend all my time with my sons and we have a great relationship with them all and i am now a nana to my beautiful gran daughter and i see her all the time and he has only seen her once and she is 3 and a half my ex 's choice thanks for your help and chat

I have to admit, I need to vent a little here. Not at anyone specific but at the fact that some men have ex's that really DO give them an opportunity to be a real part in their childs live (and my hat goes off to those women!) and the man walks.

What would I give to be able to know that I can even see my child regular without the hassle attached to a deranged ex..?!!!

Some men really do make us good'en's look like real goofs! It makes me soooo angry.

I'm sorry if I have upset anyone here or hijacked this thread but some men.....!

I think Lizzie will appreciate your support!

I have to admit, I need to vent a little here. Not at anyone specific but at the fact that some men have ex's that really DO give them an opportunity to be a real part in their childs live (and my hat goes off to those women!) and the man walks.

What would I give to be able to know that I can even see my child regular without the hassle attached to a deranged ex..?!!!

Some men really do make us good'en's look like real goofs! It makes me soooo angry.

I'm sorry if I have upset anyone here or hijacked this thread but some men.....!

It's ok LNH. I totally understand why you are angry. Feel free to vent.

Gooner

lizzie,

In my ideal world all children would have access to both parents and all non resident parents would contribute (both financially and emotionally) towards their childs upbringing.

In my ideal world parents who have split would put their differences aside and try to work together for the benefit of their children. Unfortunately this is not the case - but I live in hope.

I am so sorry to read your story. It does seem unfair, especially to your youngest son. Good luck in the hearings, let us know how you get on.

Gooner.