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Need some quality advice please???
I have just been notified by the CSA that I could potentially have an 11 yr old son from some one I knew briefly. I am now married with 2 kids whom I thought were my only off spring.
I have not seen/communicated with the mother fornearly 12 yrs.
Where do I stand with this should the required DNA test come back positive?
Surely I should have had a right to have been informed about this a long time ago by the mother. I would have gladly supported any child of mine but feel as though I could never regain the lost years. Head all over the place and not even sure how to mention to my wife.
Can any one offer some sound advice?
Hi And welcom,
I can't even start to think what's going through your head right now.....
I guess at the moment you need to come to terms with what you have been said, and then decide if its the right time to discuss with your wife.
Your right you should have been told about this a long time ago, but thats in the past and you need to think of how you will deal with the here and now, If the DNA shows this is your child then you need to decide how to deal with it.
What are your main concerns?
Darren
Hi , wow what a shock. I wonder why after all this time she has come forward and wants money. You will have to do a DNA test the csa will advise you who to use, you will have to pay for it, if it proves you are not the father you can claim the money back. I would tell your wife as its best to be honest and open and if you didnt know its not your fault. I think you will have to pay from the date they opened the case so be prepared if you are the father they will back date it till then, you can go on the csa web site and work out how much you will need to pay so you can put the money aside.
Then you will have to ask yourself and family if you want to have contact, this will have a massive impact on you all, and the mother and child may not want this, and after all this time it would be difficult to set up, paying and contact are not connected. The mum did not have to tell you legally but she should have done morrally(sorry cant spell) i wonder what as happened to make her want to do this.
Just what you want to hear at Xmas - you need to tell your wife otherwise she may feel that have hidden it for a reason.
Remember we all have a past and unfortunately yours has just caught up with you but there is nothing you can do about it now unless this woman is lying or mistaken.
You will need to know so have the test and then you will be in a better place to decide what to do going forward
Good luck with it
Hi welcome to the site. Wow what a shock. No wonder your head is all over the place.
You will need to discuss this with your wife, this isn't something that you will be able to keep quiet about and to be honest you will need her support. I would pick your moment though, maybe wait until after the festive period.
Legally, as far as I am aware you had no right to be informed about having a child at all.
You asked where you stand if you are the father.
What do you want to know? Do you have to pay maintenance - yes, but only backdated to when the CSA claim was registered.
Do you have a right to access ? This is complicated to answer. I can ask the Coram Children's Legal Centre to pop by if you want to know about access but to be honest the first thing you need to ascertain if the child is yours.
Do you have any further concerns?
Try not to let this spoil your Christmas with your family. Speak soon.
Gooner
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