Hi, first of all I hope it's ok for a woman to post a question here ...
I am in a relationship with a father of 2 who is separated from the children’s mother. The children are aged 2 and 5. There is a contact order in place for regular contact at weekends but recently the older child is apparently refusing to go for contact. Most times, the father does not even get to speak to the older child and the mother doesn’t do much to help. He has contact with the 2 year old but most weekends now, he does not even get to see the older child. He does not have a great relationship with his ex so discussions on resolving the issue are generally fruitless. He is a very loving father to his children and is becoming increasingly distressed and misses his child terribly. I don’t have any children myself so apart from offering support and reassurance there is very little useful advice I can provide. I’m not sure he can cope with not seeing his son much longer. Does anyone have any advice about resolving the issue or coping in the meantime. My main concern is that the longer this goes on, the more it will become the norm.
Hi there
I agree, this needs to be addressed sooner rather than later, as time is not a healer in this situation. A child of five isn't considered old enough to make his own decisions about contact, this strikes me as something that his mother has had a hand in.
Your partner has two options, he can try and resolve this informally by asking the mother to attend mediation to sort this out. Of course she cannot be made to attend but he can make it clear that he will pursue enforcement of the existing contact order through the court if she won't sit down and discuss it and look for solutions.
He doesn't have to attempt to resolve this through mediation and the second option would be to apply to the court for an enforcement order.
If it were me I would write to her and explain that this situation cannot be allowed to continue. That he doesn't understand why the older child's attitude has changed recently and it is up to both of them as loving parents to work together to sort it out in the child's best interests.. He should suggest mediation as a way to do this and point out that he has redress to return to court to enforce the existing order but would like to keep everything informal, court being the last resort. At the same time leave her in no doubt that he will do whatever it takes to continue to be fully involved in both children's lives. Keep the letter friendly and non confrontational, it may be useful to show the court how he has made every effort to resolve this in other ways.
Keep copies of all correspondence and get proof of postage.
Good luck