Dad dot info form. Ask questions, get answers | Family | Divorce and separation | Making it work | I’ve not been very involved up until now…

I’ve not been very involved up until now…



Divorce or separation can mean that you are suddenly thrown into a new and unfamiliar parenting role. If your child’s mum has provided most of the day-to-day care up to this point it can be pretty daunting. Here are some tips on how to cope and we show you just how rewarding your new task can be

 I've not been very involved up until now...

Start as you mean to go on

It may be that up until this point, you have concentrated your parenting efforts on making sure that there was a regular income coming into the house. You may have been working long hours and your child’s day-to-day needs were met by their mum or perhaps a child minder. Your separation will place new responsibilities on you.

Children who have positive ongoing relationships with both parents after separation are far more likely to adjust to the new situation and go on to reach their full potential in life. So get involved and stay involved. Think of all the things that you have to offer your children! 

How dads affect their newborn babies  

Be realistic about what you can provide

Dad’s sometimes panic and feel that they should be providing half of the care. It’s important that you are realistic about the amount and type of care you can provide. It’s also important to avoid battles about care and contact if at all possible.

The important thing for children is not the quantity of contact but the quality and predictability. Children, especially younger ones, will find a great deal of reassurance in a contact arrangement that is regular and engaged.

Child contact

Think about what your children might need

Get new routines in place as soon as possible. This is particularly important if you have younger children. Think about pick-up times, meal times and bed times. Regularity helps to contain children, especially when they are coming to terms with the new situation.

You will need to make sure you are providing everything your children need to make their time with you as comfortable and reassuring as possible. Most things are pretty obvious but will include:

  • having enough food in the house
  • making sure they have enough suitable clothes
  • buying any hygiene products such as toothbrushes, deodorant, shampoo etc
  • ensuring that your child has somewhere suitable to sleep and that a favourite teddy is always welcome and never forgotten

{loadposition article-advertise}

Keeping your children entertained

It’s a curious fact that children very often expect their dads to entertain them. So you will need to give this some thought. Sitting and chatting with your children can give you a good idea about what they enjoy doing but you can also try some new activities.

Cooking, model making, play stations, gardening, visiting the library, going for walks, painting, sticking, collecting, watching films or cartoons, bowling, kite flying, swimming, an hour in the park… the only limit is your imagination.

Seek help if you need it

Asking for help is not an admission of failure. There are plenty of great books and websites that will help you be the very best dad you can be. Spend a little time exploring where you’ll find a wealth of resources and information to help you adjust to your new role.

Fatherhood can be the best job you’ll ever have!


Related entries

How do contact centres work – Q & A

How do contact centres work – Q & A

We know that using a contact centre will be hard for you and for your children and it is something that you might have lots of questions or concerns about. We have tried to address some of the more common of these, here for you: My child is refusing/scared/unsure...

10 tips to support your child after break-up

10 tips to support your child after break-up

In 2020 ran a survey asking 1000 separated parents about their experiences of divorce or separation and they generously shared their concerns and most importantly their tried and tested solutions. If you are looking for ways to save your children from being...

Latest entries

The Best Family Walks in Britain

The Best Family Walks in Britain

We could all do with exercise, fresh air and some lovely low-cost days out, not to mention some beautiful scenery. Charles Clinkard have put together a list of the 40 greatest walks for families in Britain, taking into account a number of helpful amenities such as...

How To Keep Your Child Safe Online

How To Keep Your Child Safe Online

As a parent of a 10 year old who is rapidly approaching the age where he will be getting his own phone, I’m concerned about ensuring he isn’t exposed to a cavalcade of disturbing things online. I’m worrying about bullying, about him being contacted or making friends...

Pin It on Pinterest