Dad dot info
DAD.info form. Ask questions, get answers

Parent’s Job Description

Deanb

Deanb

Parent job description

PARENT JOB DESCRIPTION

Overview

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organisational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Extensive courier duties also required. Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Role Responsibilities
• The rest of your life.
• Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs £5.
• Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
• Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
• Must have ability to plan and organise social gatherings and parties for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
• Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
• Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
• Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
• Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
Opportunities for Promotion
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Required Experience

None. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Salary

Get this: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses!

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that further education will help them become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more…

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

** AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!!

 

Related entries

Pranks for April Fools

Pranks for April Fools

Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fools…  They were literally born yesterday!  View this post on Instagram A post shared by Stephen Crowley (@steecrowley) Tomorrow is April Fools. Should I be embalming my kid’s toothbrushes in jelly? Or adding...

The Life of a Stay-at-Home Dad

The Life of a Stay-at-Home Dad

House husband, house dad. Whatever you want to be called, you're a SAHD (a stay-at-home dad). Being the main caregiver for my children, as well as the cleaner, teacher, entertainer, and chef wasn’t something I had anticipated doing. Due to circumstances though, that’s...

Latest entries

Your Guide to the European Championships

Your Guide to the European Championships

Like it or loathe it, the next few weeks are going to be all about football. If you want the basics to keep up with your footy crazy kids we’ve compiled this handy guide to give you an overview of the upcoming European Championships. UEFA.com What are the European...

ASK DEBBIE- I AM A DAD WITH 50/50 SHARED CARE

ASK DEBBIE- I AM A DAD WITH 50/50 SHARED CARE

Dads, do you struggle sometimes? Who do you reach out to for help? Debbie Pattison, a qualified counsellor at Fegans can answer your questions. Send them in to Ask Debbie at info@dad.info and if she can she will answer. Today’s question is from a dad who shares care...

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex welcome a new baby girl

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex welcome a new baby girl

Welcome to the world Baby Lilibet. The Dad.info team loves a baby and the new daughter of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex is just the good news we need. https://twitter.com/RoyalFamily/status/1401614927236841474 Named for her grandmother and great-grandmother, Lilibet...

Pin It on Pinterest