Dad dot info
DAD.info form. Ask questions, get answers

TENS Terror

My involvement with the pregnancy got a whole lot more shocking this week as Faith got hold of a TENS machine. TENS stands for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. I looked it up on Wikipedia, so it must be true. Let me tell you this: ‘Nerve Stimulation’ is the understatement of the century.

As I casually watched a bit of TV, my wife asked if I would mind trying the TENS machine she’d gotten hold of that day. She said that she’d do it herself but the instructions suggest she wait till after 37 weeks, and she’s a few days shy. This all sounded viable, and I trustingly pulled up my jumper so she could stick on the sticky bits. For those of you unfamiliar with a TENS machine, it’s a hand-held box with four wires coming out of it, each of which ends with a sticky pad. These pads are then put on the subject’s (in this case, my) back.

The first thing that should be noted was that they were ridiculously cold (mental note: warm them up first). My second and biggest mistake was that Faith was holding the control unit. For the next three or four minutes, Faith pressed buttons and said stuff like:

“Do you feel that?

I couldn’t.

But then, all of a sudden, something awful happened. The electric shock caused me to jump forward and scream:

“Turn it off!”

She didn’t. In fact, I think she turned it up.

Slightly hysterical, I tried again:

“Turn it off!’

Crying with laughter, she eventually located the off switch, and I collapsed onto the sofa with my back still tingling unnervingly. How this helps labour pain is an absolute mystery to me. Personally, I don’t believe it. I think it’s a scam for pregnant ladies to let out a little aggression on their husbands.

Seriously friends, don’t believe the lies. If your wife asks you to have a go with her TENS machine, run…and don’t stop running until dawn.

Related entries

Running to Beat the Chickens

Running to Beat the Chickens

On mile 23 of the London Marathon I was overtaken by a giant chicken. Let's just say, it was a low point… Looking back on my London Marathon ‘success’ I can only assume it was someone dressed up in a costume or perhaps some kind of hallucination. The lactic acid build...

Running to Beat the Chickens

Snow Day

On this day in 2010 I walked through the snow to visit my wife and one-day-old son at our local hospital... Due to various complications, my first born had a short spell of intensive medical oversight before being released into the real world. I chose the frozen walk...

Latest entries

Dad.info LIVE | chatting about being a dad to a newborn

Dad.info LIVE | chatting about being a dad to a newborn

Ian Soars, MD of Dad.info has been talking about nipples, hormones and post-natal depression with Kieran Anders Dad Matters Project Manager. Tune in and learn why dads matter to mums, to babies and to everyone. Top tips on accessing support, and learn just how...

How To Keep Your Child Safe Online

How To Keep Your Child Safe Online

As a parent of a 10 year old who is rapidly approaching the age where he will be getting his own phone, I’m concerned about ensuring he isn’t exposed to a cavalcade of disturbing things online. I’m worrying about bullying, about him being contacted or making friends...

Pin It on Pinterest